Colossal Damage

55. Paper wars

My therapist tasked me to write something today ...about who I am .

Hi . My name is London  Miller . I am tall. My hair is slightly grown out of its bob . It's almost past my shoulders now .

"No , London.  I'm not looking for a descriptive of you . I'm asking who are you ." Doc can be so frustrating . I crunch up the paper and turn my head to shoot her a glare . She brushes it off . It's so annoying ;I don't affect her the way I do others . I stab the pen into the fresh piece of paper and drag it down as I stare at Doc . I cut the paper down the middle . She sighs and hands me another . I've toren like six one time and all she did was give me another page . No reaction ! I look up at her and smile sweetly and roll my eyes as I drag my pen across the clean page .

Hi . For the fifth time ,my name is London Miller . I won't describe how I look because clearly that is not important.  I'm an extrovert .

I scribble a dark dot emphasising,  I'm done with this stupid thing . I chuck it at her and grab my bag and storm through the door .

"Hello London ." I don't bother with the greeting , I just grab the clean piece of paper from her with an eye roll. She studies me and jots things down in that stupid journal . I want to throw it at her . Maybe,  I will tomorrow . Today's agenda I have to finish hadleast six of her papers . She fixes her glasses on the bridge of her nose and gets the pile of paper ready . I grunt . She always knows my plans .

London Miller is who I am . I am She. I like pink . I drop it on her desk and declind her offer for more paper . I have no time for this .

"Morning London ." I nod towards her and help myself to paper . I take a good amount and grab her scissors from her desk . She drops her glasses an inch lower today and studies me . Today , I shall give her a show . I cut at the papers , cutting nothing in particular . Then a bright idea crosses my mind . I cut an "L" out and smile proudly at myself . This will tell her who I am . I grab a pen and scribble across my "L."

London is always two hours behind . With that , I stand up and leave it on her desk . She quirks her eyebrow at me . Of course she wouldn't get it . It's a joke only my sister and I understand .

My sister -

"Hello, London ." I don't bother snatching paper . After yesterday's session,  I feel off. I had a weird dream last night it was about my sister . Today, they stared at me as if I was a lion walking the corridors.  Danny doesn't talk to me anymore . I had to allow the minions to sit with me today . My table was empty . Darren tried to reach out to me today . He is worrying me about his children . I scoff as I think "Is he carrying these twins ?" I sigh and grab a paper from Docs desk . I scribble on it .

London is a liar . I scribble it in capital letters and leave it at her desk . She nods at me before I dismiss myself . I'm supposed to see her for an hour ,but I leave when I want to (normally after I waste her paper which takes me no more than ten minutes).

"Good afternoon, London ." Today, I actually greet her ... with a nod.  I take her paper , but today I have no ideas. So , I stare at the bank paper for a good five minutes before I leave it on her desk blank .

"You missed yesterday's session." This is her greeting today . I shrug and steal the apple on her desk . I haven't been able to get her to react . She just brushes everything I do off. It's so frustrating.  I eat her apple while she studies me . I storm out of her office frustrated.

"I'm having nightmares ." Is my greeting to her . She gestures for me to sit . I sit for five minutes and get up and leave.

"Good morning , London ." Today was a bad day.  A really bad day.  Darren won't leave me alone . And I went into Paris's room and she wasn't  there .  I reach for the paper and scribble random lines and hand it in.

"Hi, Doc ." I walk through her doors.

"Hello , London ." She scans me . She sees right through me .

"Are you ready to tell me who you are?" I accept her clean piece of paper . It stares back at me judging me. A wet spot ruins it's perfection . I frown when I realize I caused the wet drop. Tears silently but angrily roll down my cheeks . Every atom in me vibrates with guilt . I sniff and take the pen . I feel her eyes on me . I choke back on my tears as my hand moves to scribble my truth .

I'm collasal damage ,and I'm responsible for my sisters death ...

AN: and so the cat is out the bag ...

How do you feel ?

xoxo
L2007