Broken Promises

6. Hatred

Harshita's pov:

Our eye lock was interrupted by the ring of his. He excused himself and went to a corner. Whe looked annoyed while talking on the phone and that was enough to awaken the curiosity inside of me. I tried to hear their conversation and I succeeded. There's probably somethings I've missed but I heard enough to realise he was talking to his Dad.

" Hello. I'm okay dad don't worry."

"No I won't come home tonight. Don't wait for me."

"I'm at the hospital."

"No I'm fine. I'm here for a friend."

"My friend is fine too. At least physically. Her mother is sick."

"No you don't have to come. I'll manage."

And he cut the call. Without saying bye. Without even telling him why he was here. I felt bad. Not just for him but for his father too. I don't know Mr. Raval that well but from what I've seen, he genuinely cares about Darshan. I wish Darshan would understood. I started to think about the day I talked with him.

*Flashback*

D/D: So it's you who told him? Do you even know how sensitive he is about these matters?
I was annoyed. He was blaming me for something that I'm already guilty of. I shouldn't feel that way. It wasn't my fault.

D/D: Do you realise I could could kick you out of this college and eventually ruin your entire career?
Now I'm not guilty anymore. I'm pissed. If I would lose anyways I'd lose after fighting.

Harshita: Mr. Raval I didn't know that your son would make such a fuss out of such a small matter but you definitely did. If you were that concerned about him you shouldn't have told the entire class in the first place. And what does he even think of himself? He thinks his superior to everyone just because he's related to him and then he gets mad hearing your name.

D/D: Ms. Pandya you do not talk back to a teacher not while it's about his family unless you want the consequences.
He yelled at me. If someone outside the office heard us they would be convinced he's angry but his voice can't fool me. As much as he tried, his eyes showed all the pain he gone through. It's hurtful but it's the truth. I'm starting to regret all the things I just said.

Harshita: I'm sorry sir. I didn't intend to hurt you but itself the truth. Your son has some serious problem. As his father you should look into it. I'm sorry if I sounded disrespectful but it's how I am. I will say the truth no matter how bitter it is. You can punish me if you want to.
I was heading to the door when his voice stopped me.

D/D: I tried. I tried with everything I had. But I couldn't make anything right. He thinks Imma the reason he lost his mother and I agree with him. Maybe if I were a better husband my wife would be alive. Maybe if I were a better father my son wouldn't hate me. Maybe if I were a better person our family would be a happy one too. But I broke my promise to Rajal. I promised I'll protect our family no matter what. I failed. My family is falling apart. All because of me. Darshan will never forgive me.

Harshita: Have you forgiven yourself?
He looked at me not understanding what I meant.

Harshita: In moments like these, we often tend to blame ourselves. We look out for reasons to validate our guilt. We start to make up excuses. We think that if we weren't the way we were, our favourite persons would be with us. But at the end of the day no matter how hard we try we can't change anything. Even if we did act differently would it really change God's plans? Death is unexpected. No matter what you do you will face it someday. This is the way of life. Don't blame yourself for something that wasn't in your hands to begin with.
I told him while thinking about my mother. The first few months after the plane crash my mother would come up with a new excuse everyday about how she could've stopped it. But no matter how much she blamed herself, he didn't come back. All those excuses were nothing but a way to hurt her. It got to an extent that it was both mentally and physically hurting her. She needed therapy during that time. I remember when I stayed with my Aunt. I'd eavesdrop on my aunt and my mother talking on phone. My aunt didn't want me to know or see what my mother was going through but she failed. I was aware of all the pain that went through her cause I was feeling those too. Today I felt like I was reliving the traumatic childhood that I never wanted to live again.