Zander

Chapter 36

Things have surprisingly been sweet over the past week but I would be a lying if I said that I felt comfortable having her in my home alone. I have never been fearful of Tiffany finding another woman's lingerie or used condoms around the house as I had nothing to hide but things are different now.

Tiffany has a new edge and the sudden darkness in her eyes leaves me feeling uneasy because she knows a lot about me. A scorned woman is not one to anger and I don't want her to be reason for my demise.

I think it's time that I end things for good.

"We need to talk." I tell Tiffany after we've put the groceries in the car. "We need to have a serious talk about what's going on with us."

Tiffany says nothing as we enter the car.

"What do we need to talk about?" She quietly asks and I sigh deeply while staring out the window because I know that shit is about to get real.

"Us ending things for good." I bite down on my bottom lip and she surprisingly nods her head in agreement. "Despite what you think, you are the only woman that I care about which is why this is harder than you think."

Tiffany bites down on her bottom lip, "I know."

"I loved you." I tell her as tears fall from her eyes. "I truly believe that I loved you when I saw you at my side in the hospital. That's the first time that I have ever felt love for a woman so that counts for something, don't think that all of this meant nothing because it obviously meant something to me. I was willing to change to be the man you needed."

"What changed?"

"I did." I practically whisper. "I realise that I'm not going to change anytime soon and I don't want to drag you along for that ride, you don't deserve that shit. You're still a young woman who deserves to live a happy and fulfilling life with people who don't bring you down."

"I am the luckiest man in the world for having you at my side for seven long years but I think our relationship has run its course. I need to be alone." Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. "I know that I slept around but you've always been my home and I need to learn how to be without you because clearly something isn't working." 

"You a--"

I grab her hand in mine to stop her from talking, "I don't want to break your heart anymore, Tiff. I don't want to be this villain in yours or anyone's life anymore because it gets depressing after a while."

Tiffany smiles sadly, "Then why do you hurt me?"

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "Sometimes I wonder how different I would have been if my mother loved me or if my sister stuck besides me during those dark days but I... I hurt the people closest to me and I don't think I'll ever stop. We were happy once upon a time and I was proud to be your husband so don't ever think I didn't marry you out of love because I did. I wanted to make it work."

"Why didn't you?" Tiffany cries as our foreheads touch. "You're all I ever wanted."

"Not everyone in life deserves to be happy." I softly say as I kiss her lips. "I learned that very early in life... I was one of them."

"Don't say that, Zander." Tiffany cups my face in both hands. "Stop talking like that."

"I'm not happy." I confess and she nods her head in understanding. "I never really have been. You would think that getting signed to the NFL then WWE and having an unlimited supply of money would make you the happiest man in the world but it doesn't."

---

I crashed my car.

Dropping Tiffany back off at her parent's home made me realise how unstable I was and I let my guard down once I peeled out of their driveway. Crying is something that I hate people doing in my presence as I hate to comfort them but in those moments alone, it was all I wanted to do so I did.

I bawled my fucking eyes out while driving home and that soon led to my body being riddled in anger as I remember the shitty start that I had at life. My parents may be dead and gone but what they did to me will forever have me acting out because I never got an answer to anything.

Why didn't they love me?

Why did they abuse me?

Why did they let those men touch me?

Before I knew it, I was throwing punches at my own head which led to me losing control of the vehicle. Death is not something that I fear so when I struggled to regain control while battling my own thoughts, I let go of the wheel.

My car crashed into some ditch which I'm thankful for in hindsight as crashing into a tree could have either killed me instantly or I would have been bleeding out for hours with no one to attend to me.

"You're really stupid." Brennon sighs deeply while tending to my injuries which include a split brow and busted lip. "You could have killed yourself." 

"I wouldn't have minded." I fake a chuckle.

"Don't play around like that." He hands me an ice bag before leaning against his kitchen counter. "You're lucky that my kids are in bed or I would have kicked your ass for showing up at my door with blood all over your face."

"Good to know." I slump back in the stool while pressing the ice bag to my lip. "It's not as if anybody would have missed me, I'm not like you with the two kids. My name starts and ends with me."

"You don't need to have children to be missed, you know." Brennon rubs his face while staring at mine. "You're a lucky son of a bitch and you don't even know it. That's something that always infuriated me about you because people will still stick around despite how you treat them, hell you had Tiffany on your dick for seven fucking years and look how you did her. The crazy thing is that if you were to call her or show up at her home, she would take you back in a heartbeat because that girl loves you."

"That girl is psycho."

"Then we must all be the same because I love the shit out of you and I would be devastated if I were to ever lose you." A look of pain passes through his face. "You don't know hard it was for everybody to navigate themselves when you went into a coma better yet when the news pronounced you dead. I almost had a heart attack when the reports started coming in and I rushed to drop my daughter off at her mother's house. I don't even trust Grace after she neglected our girl but I had to leave Lily behind because I was going out of my fucking mind!"

My mouth parts as I look at him in surprise as it's a topic that nobody wants to discuss. My short lived death was announced prematurely without further reports as Zane had everyone sign an NDA so that story circulated for a while.

I couldn't imagine hearing that about any of my pals so I can only imagine how they must have felt during that time.

"If you want to kill yourself then be my guest." Brennon points to the door. "I have a fucking pool out there, go jump in if you think that I don't care about you. There are three people in this house right now that care so deeply about you and knowing that you don't see that pains me."

"Life's not fair." I smile sadly even though it hurts to move my lips. "I try to act as if it doesn't affect me but I'm tired."

"I know." He pats my shoulder. "We all are but that's life for you."

"This can't be it." I shake my head. "I've worked too damn hard for this to be what I am."

"It's always going to be who you are until you make the change."