Tsaheylu

Ikran

Tsireya knew something was wrong the second we got back to the village, but she could tell I didn't want to talk about it just yet. My head was a spiral of emotion and confusion. I felt like I knew nothing, that my eyes had just been opened to a whole new world that I hadn't been prepared for and it scared me.

There was a war going on inside my head, between what I wanted and what I knew I needed to do.

All night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep, and by the time I finally did sleep the sun was just starting to rise.

Waking up felt worse than when I did sleep, and I was no where near able to hold any form of conversation at breakfast. Aonung was still pissed and sitting far away from me, but Tsireya could read the confusion on my face and just sat with me in silence. I was grateful for her, I never felt judged by her. But this- telling her this, I didn't even know where to start.

I couldn't even meet Neteyam's eyes during breakfast. I hadn't figured out what I wanted, what I was going to do. And I knew he understood that, but he couldn't help searching for an answer to be written on my face. That was one of the differences between him and Aonung. Aonung would have pried it from me. Forced me into a decision. But Neteyam, he knew it was much bigger than that.

Before long everyone started to disperse into their daily duties. Tsireya, Lo'ak, Neteyam, Kiri and Tuk went off for more lessons and left me to finish my breakfast. Even the others could all tell that there was something bothering me but they didn't say anything. Kiri came to check in on me before she left, and told me that if I needed to talk she was there, which I appreciated. But as of right now I didn't want to really talk to any of them about it. It would only make the situation worse, not to mention how silly I felt.

I needed to speak to someone who knew about all of this, someone who wouldn't judge me or berate me for being in this predicament. Someone who could help me figure all of this out. That someone, being Tonowari.

Thankfully, he was still around. And when I looked over to him, he was already watching me intently.

He waves me over to him kindly, patting on the open seat beside him for me to come and sit. My mum and Ronal had gone off together somewhere, leaving it to just be us at the top of the group. The rest of the people around were all sat chatting, too busy in their own conversations to take note of us at all.

"What's wrong, young one?" He asks, his voice gruff yet soft. I rub my face sadly, trying to collect my thoughts enough to form a sentence. It takes a few moments, but when I can finally think clearly I respond to him. "Tonowari, what does being in love with Ronal feel like?" I ask, peering up at him shyly. The question catches him off guard, and it takes a minute for him to formulate a response.

"Well, it's not the easiest of things to explain. The best way I can try and describe it, is how you make your tsaheylu with the Ilus. You feel bonded, as one. Every thought, every feeling, every emotion and desire, you feel together. It is as if you are one with them. One being. They make you feel like a new version of yourself, like the most true version of yourself. Now, it's not like that with every Na'vi pair. For Ronal and I have a different connection. A different kind of love. It is a very rare bond to come across, and not every Na'vi experience it. Only those blessed by Eywa herself. If you are one of those lucky people, when you meet that person, if you meet that person, you'll know. Every fibre of your being will yearn for them, no matter how little you may know them." He says wisely, gesturing wildly with his hands like he always had. "Now I know you're not asking me that out of pure curiosity. Who's on your mind?"

I bite my lip and look away from the man. I was never able to lie or keep anything from Tonowari, and sometimes it could be my undoing. "You have to promise not to be mad, or judge me, or think any less of me..." I murmur, unable to look him in the eye. He places a gentle hand on my shoulder and rubs it comfortingly, just like he used to when I was a kid. It was times like these where I was thankful he respected my diswant for my betrothement, because I knew I could tell him about this and he wouldn't banish me for it. "Ai'ina, I will never do such a thing... Now I know it isn't Aonung, otherwise you would have come to me much sooner with this. Is this one of the Omatikaya?" He pries.