Besitos

18

I wish I would've gone back to the bus. I wish I would've tried to go back and make things right between Lila, Mac and I. But I didn't. 

I booked a hotel and screened all the calls from Mac and Lila and Ray who kept trying to figure out where I am and why I'm not on the bus. It ended up leaving without me. The last text Ray sent me was a text saying they're getting a replacement drummer for the next show but I better be at the one after that. There's no way I can even make it to their next show. Its now two days later and they're at least two states away right now. I can't make it.

I'll be honest, I don't want to be there anyways. I don't want to play any show, especially when I know Lila doesn't want me there and that Ray can't stand to see me. Vic doesn't want me on the tour either. Everyone's better off without me. So I stay in Indiana. 

It stupid, really. I don't have a change of clothes or a phone charger or anything. I has to go buy those things. I'm putting my entire career in jeopardy. But every single fiber of my being is telling me to not go back. My body and mind is telling me to stay in Indiana, to drop off the tour. Who cares anyways, there's about two weeks left in it. They're going to tell our fans that I'm sick and that a replacement is coming in. They'll be disappointed but it wont be the end of the world. Maybe for me it will be, but the fans will be fine.

Now Lila wont have to leave the band either. Her only problem was me. One of the texts I got was her saying she's pissed that I slept with Mac because her and Mac had been seeing each other since about a week after we slept together. I understand why she's mad but I hadn't known. How would I have been able to even know? Mac never said anything and neither did she. I can't take the blame for everything.

But maybe with me leaving then they can be together. Having a replacement drummer wont fuck with their relationship or whatever it is, they can thrive without me.

My phone goes off for the hundredth time. To my surprise I see that its Vic. I didn't think he'd notice or care or anything. There's a large chance its someone else calling me from his phone, probably hoping that I'll see Vic's name and want to answer. But no way. 

The notification for Missed Call pops up and then a couple seconds later a notification for a Voicemail shows up above it.

Against my better instincts I press play.

'Wren, hey. I just heard that you left. Or you're missing, I don't know.' he starts, his voice tinged with worry. 'I just want to make sure you're okay. I don't know what's going on but judging from what I saw and heard the other day I think I have a pretty good idea. Can you call me back. Please. I need to know you're safe.'

Its really sweet of him to call. I wish it didn't affect me, but I feel the tears pooling in my eyes and I know I can't stop them.

I thought being in a band would be fun. It was supposed to be a constant party with close friends and amazing fans coming to see us every night. Now its just tiring. The fans are great but I'm exhausted from playing and rehearsing. We need to be in a good mood all the time for our fans. We exhaust ourselves to every single level, almost everyday. The only good part is the money. Early on in our career I started investing my money and putting it in high interest savings accounts, so now my money has pretty much tripled since the start. 

What I'm trying to say is that I can retire right now, and I think I am.