Besitos

21

The next words out of Luke's mouth surprise me more than I thought they ever could.

"I know."

I look at him completed dumbfounded. 

"What do you mean you know?" I ask, confused. "How could you know I was in a band?"

"Wren." he says with a smile. "How could I not? I've known Tony for years, he's one of my closest friends. I check out every single tour he's on even though, and don't tell him this, their music isn't my style."

"What?" I ask, still not believing it.

"I was on the bus one night." he says slowly as if this will trigger my memory of him. "I'm surprised you don't remember."

I try and think back to a time where I might have seen him, but the truth is I can't. I thought that the first time I met him months ago was the actual first time I met him, but he's known me this whole time.

"How come you never said anything?" I ask incredulously. 

He gives me a little shrug. "I figured you'd bring it up when you were ready, which clearly you did."

Thats actually really fucking sweet of him.

"So you know about everything that happened?" I ask.

"No, not everything. I just know that you left." he says, but I can tell he's dying to ask. "Tony filled me in on some stuff, but I don't know much. Like I don't know why you left."

He says this last part in a way thats a question at the same time that it isn't.

I guess its time. I guess someone should know.

"Our tour manager, Ray." I say slowly. "He was always a dick, but like, he at least knew what he was doing in terms of managing us. Like he was good at that, I'm not taking that away from him. But over the last couple of tours he just became so ...mean. Just so mean."

I can feel the emotions stirring within me. Anxiety, anger, fear, sadness. I'm feeling it all now. After months of avoiding talking about it or thinking about it, I'm now letting it all out without holding back at all.

"He wasn't, like, abusive, I guess? But, I think if I stayed he would've been. We had this stupid fight." I say, glancing up to see Luke's calm face. It grounds me, keeps me both in the moment and past at once. "It was over someone from the other band. Ray was trying to control my life, the people I hung around with, and I told him to fuck off, you know? He had no right to tell me who I shouldn't be around."

Luke sits there, still patiently watching me, his eyes caring. 

"And I really pissed Ray off that day. Like really pissed him off and he ended up shoving me into a table. It hurt like hell, but it wasn't like the end of the world. But I guess that was kinda just the start because like, all he did from there was yell at me. I didn't really help it either, not that I'm saying its okay what he did or anything."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Luke says. "One of your bandmates?"

"Ha, well, by time it was getting really bad between Ray and I, it got worse with my bandmates. I kinda fucked that up too. So by the time I left, I had everyone I cared about angry at me. So yeah, I left. I couldn't do it anymore."

"Wren, come here." he pulls me into a warm hug, making me feel safer than I've felt in months.

"You didn't deserve that." he murmurs into my hair. "Your tour manager should be charged or something."

I shake my head no against his chest. "I don't wanna see him again."

"I know, but what about your bandmates? What if he's been doing this to them too?"

During the entire time that I've been dealing wit Ray, I never stopped to think about whether or not he's been doing the same thing to anyone else. I feel like Lila or Mac would've said something. But then again it was happening to me and I didn't say anything. 

Suddenly I feel the need to reach out to them and see if they're okay. And then I remember that Lila probably still hates me for the Mac thing. If I messaged Mac she might get jealous or pissed and make it worse. Plus I've been AWOL for so long, I might as well keep it up.

"You don't need to make any decisions." Luke says, his warm voice pulling me from my thoughts. "I just think you should reach out to them. I'm sure they're worried."

I give him a pathetic little shrug. Its all I can muster up at the moment. I don't want to come up with more excuses as to why I can't contact them.

"They're in town next week." he says. "For a benefit show. Maybe you should meet up with them."

"I'd have to see Ray." I say.

"Meet with them after. He doesn't have to know." he replies. "Just think about it, okay?"

I have a feeling that all I'm going to do for the next week is think about it.