The Book of Gemma -Apocalyptic Fantasy Romance-

CHAPTER 3: COSMIC COCKTAILS

I could feel the stickiness from the bar stuck to my leather jacket and a couple strands of my now dyed black hair tug when I moved my forehead, resting on my forearms. I look down at my feet soaked from the weather outside. Sky had very little cold weather changes, it was usually warm, providing heat on the top of your cheeks even through thick glass walls. The rain that had fallen today was even a lukewarm temp. Sprinkled my eyelashes and gave a scent so calm it relaxed you as you inhaled. It's rare but when it rains, it drowns out my thoughts with its noise and I can breathe deeper, fuller..

A small scuff on the toe of my boot makes me frown remembering from an altercation with Deecon. Never being used to lies growing up, I could believe anyone. I was grown up on facts not stories or rhymes. I was raised that if you do good, you get rewarded; If you did bad, you were punished. So I was always.. good. I never wanted to step out of line because why would I want to be punished? Why would anyone? Why would we hurt each other?
My father had raised me over thousands of years that lying and betrayal gets you nowhere. The humans showed us that time and time again. Dating Deecon the scientist started to tear down what I had always thought was tried and true. I have never had someone make me believe in such stories. The truth became a theater play for him, making up characters and details so real I never felt the need to question.
Why would he lie? Why would he want to hurt me when all I do is good? Him doing so much wrong made me question if I was even good. I would punish myself over and over because I was programmed to believe it was my fault because he wouldn't do it if I was good right? All I wanted to do was love him. Never knowing what love is supposed to feel like besides my parents left me with nothing but questions. My physical touch to him was an obsession almost as if my old instincts to keep wanting more than needing, bubbles up even though I am aware of the consequences.

I know I would have been so good at loving if someone wanted it. Deecon doesn't need it, he may want it sometimes to fund his projects and stay in the largest house in Sky Valley. I wanted to hate him so badly. I don't think I was capable of feeling 'hate'. The only hate I could force out was to the girls he would touch. I could smell his scent on them even days later. I would send them back to Lower Valley. I know. I was wanting the pain out of my site. I wasn't taught how to deal with heartache, I was never taught how to react to verbal slander of my name and never taught how to walk away from toxic behavior. For Darus sake I spent thousands of years saving these toxic humans, I obviously wasn't very good at giving up on broken people. Everyone from my race treated me like a princess while walking on eggshells around my physical being. Of course Scorpz, Leo and Virgo picked on me like a little sister, they still never hurt me as much as Deecon breaking my trust.

So I was cruel to his mistresses that fuck what was mine and I would punish them, instead of him... I would punish girls who just fell for him just like me.
I'm a monster.

I took him back every time... I took him back 13 times. Call me a human, I know. 13 times, 13 times I cried, screamed, tore myself apart in the mirror at the dull pendant state I was and then with my tail between my legs I would say sorry for overreacting. Sometimes I weirdly liked the feeling of screaming and crying.
When we fought, I finally felt different emotions besides calm and collected. I felt myself almost coming alive showing something besides 'fine'. Fighting with him was unlatching my cage and I could feel my eyes wanting to burn like a star. It was something other than neutral which is what gear I've been in for now with my parents gone, 125 years.

A robot creating more robots.

The man I thought was supposed to shield me from getting hurt. The man who I gave my heart to and trusting he would do it no harm. The man who spent his sweet words on me, started to exchange them with manipulative clever letters. Manipulating me to let him stay in Sky Valley. Making vial sentences that molded my thoughts into still wanting his approval.
His love. His old self. His original smile that made me weak now mocks me with an evil grin. But I stayed each time. He would spread evil across his face with this grin and it made me want more to give my heart that swoon at the sight of toxic behavior because it was an emotion other than 'fine'.