Shadowhunters: City of Possibilities

Chapter Nine

I run until I'm out of breath, my sides heaving from the exertion of trying to escape the memory of a relapsing nightmare. My brother Max, bloody and bruised in my lap, distorted from the boy he once was, I can hardly recognize him. That night I had pressed my stele firmly into his skin, repeatedly scrawling an iratze upon his skin that just as easily vanished than activated. My little brother was dead and his blood was on my hands. I was supposed to protect him but I left him alone long enough to find trouble, that trouble being Johnathan Morgenstern. My heart throbs in pain as I remember my brother pleading for me to listen to him but I didn't. My breath hitches in my throat, I can't breathe. My hearing goes with the panic taking hold of my body, I clutch at my chest as I double over. As I descend into full panic mode, a hand graces my spine before kneeling in front of me. I stare into the golden eyes of Jace whose mouth is moving but I can't make out what he's saying. He was always so good at reading in between the lines that he immediately realized that his words weren't passing through to my ears. He reaches inside his jacket pocket and quickly presses a small object into the palm of my hand. It's a small white figurine, a toy soldier, the one Max held onto the night he died. But this toy soldier never depicted death to Jace, he only gave this to people he cared about. People he knew could use its bravery just like he did when he came to the institute as a little boy who had just watched his family being murdered. My breathing steadies as I squeeze the figurine into the palm of my hand, "Izzy?" Jace whispers as he stares up at me. I don't respond, I just hold this small soldier, trying to realign myself in this world that is so strange it seems as if it's not real at all, but it has to be. He continues, "Iz, I don't think it's your fault. Alec had no right saying those things and it's not felt all around. I'm here for you always." His golden eyes almost shimmer as if he's on the verge of tears so I pull him to his feet and wrap myself around him, tapping him on his back as I try to comfort both myself and him. "How did you even find me?" I say as we break apart, he stifles a sniffle rubbing at the corner of his eye as if something had gotten into it, "Agility Rune," He says as he shows me the glowing black mark, I frown. "What?" he says exacerbated as he points toward me, "You are really fast Iz, and you don't even need a rune for it. Besides it wouldn't be very brotherly of me to let my little sister run through the woods upset now, would it?" he says dawning the look of a chivalrous grin as he holds out his hand expectantly. I take it, letting him tuck it into the cavity of his forearm as he guides me back to the group, "If I hadn't reached you first you'd be having this conversation with Simon or Clary, you know that?" he says absentmindedly as we walk slowly together. "Really?" I say quizzically. Hearing my doubtful tone Jace stops walking and faces me, holding both my hands firmly in his, "They took off just as quickly as I did. We care about you, Izzy and that's never going to change. I-I love you," he says fumbling over the word that I've only ever heard him say to Clary and his boys. "I lov...", I begin before I'm interrupted by Clary and Simon tumbling through the trees, "Izzy are you okay?" they both call in unison. I smile at the pair, those two were meant to be parabatia and nobody can convince me otherwise, "I'm much better," I say turning to look at Jace who exchanges a look with me before trotting over to join his wife. Simon takes his cue as he strides over to me to do the same, "I was so worried. I was trying to keep up but I couldn't find my stele which happened to be in my jacket pocket instead of my pants pocket. Did I mention that it is really difficult to keep up with you?" he says as he takes my hand, leading us back to regroup with the others. I might not be ready to face Alec but just listening to Simon ramble like this is just what I needed, the familiarity of his touch and his voice would be able to heal me more than an iratze ever could. In this moment I know that this brown-haired boy holds my heart, I don't even need a sight rune to see that his name is scrawled across my chest and as long as I can help it no one will take that away from me. As we walk, Alec, Magnus, Rafe, and a giggling Max finally come into view. They see us as soon as we emerge from the trees, and the group goes silent, everyone except Max who is speeding toward me with no intention of slowing down. He runs right into my legs squeezing them tightly, if it wasn't for Simon's arm around me I might have fallen over on impact. I reach down and run my hand through his mop of hair, "It's good to see you too Max," I say. The little boy doesn't want to let go of me so the three of us walk together, clinging onto my side as if his life depended on the contact of my touch. We finally reach Alec and Magnus, seeing that his brother was clinging to his aunt, Rafe decided to attach himself to my other side, squeezing himself between me and Simon. I don't even look at Alec, I can't so I look at Magnus instead, "I think we're all ready to leave this place behind." Magnus gives me a firm nod and with a flourish of his hands and a little bit of magic a portal is brought to life. I watch as Clary, Jace, and Simone who has both Rafe and Max in his arms, disappear into the depths of the shimmering portal back to the institute. It leaves only Alec and Magnus standing before me until Magnus leans in and whispers something into Alec's ear before giving me a sheepish smile and is whisked away to the other side. "Izzy," Alec begins, "I know you don't want to hear anything I have to say but I need to talk to you before we go back". I stare at the dirt and blood-covered leaves at my feet, "I don't want to hear anything you have to say," I declare hotly. "I was in the moment and I didn't mean any of the things I said," he speaks softly as the crunch of leaves and twigs signals that my brother is pacing. He always paces when he has a lot on his mind and when he's trying to find the right words to say. It wouldn't normally make me this angry but my blood is boiling, "You want me to forgive you right?" I say as I break my concentration on the leaves to glare at my brother who has stopped pacing to stare at me with his mouth slightly a jar. "No-It's just that...", he stammers, "Enough!" I scream, "You accused me of killing our brother! You blamed me even though you knew I have been blaming myself for it every day since! How could you?!?" I cry, shaking with my rage and frustration. He looks as if I have reached out and slapped him but I'm not going to hold back, I need to finish this before I explode, "You didn't even care that I risked everything to keep your son alive! I could've lost everything!" I cry as I put a hand protectively across my stomach. Alec goes silent but it doesn't keep him from running across the distance separating us and squeezing me into a tight hug that I fold into. "I'm so sorry Izzy. I never meant to hurt you-I never meant to...," he mutters in broken words. I don't look up but I can feel his tears running down his face and dropping onto the top of my head. I pull away from him and see his blue eyes alive with his tears, I reach up and gingerly wipe them away, "it's okay, Alec. I know," I say quietly. Suddenly a twig snapping in the distance pulls us away from our sappy reunion. Alec immediately reaches out and pulls me close, igniting a seraph glass as we slowly back up to the edge of the portal, "You go first Iz, I'll be right behind you," he says as he scans the trees for any movement. "Be careful," I say before I leap into the portal to rejoin our family of shadowhunters and warlocks.