Shadowhunters: City of Possibilities

Chapter Twelve

As I finally drift off to sleep I can see the colors of last night's dazzling dinner painted upon the backs of my eyelids. I can vividly see the red of my gorgeous dress. If I didn't know any better I would have thought it had been made out of tiny cut rubies the way it was catching the light at every angle. Even though it pains me to think about it not even my dream will allow me to forget the blue of Simon's suit. It brought life to his brown eyes, like a babbling stream running across the cracked earth. He had looked so handsome standing there waiting for our night together to begin. Leave it to me to take something so perfect and ruin it, all in one go. Even sleep won't let me forget the look on Simon's face when I had burned the night away, all with a single sentence. I could see how hurt he was when I said it, I had even chosen my mattress over staying with him. I could have smiled and listened to him talk for hours forgetting all about that stupid pixie and her echoing words. I could have but I didn't. How stupid could I be? Unable to sit still any longer I get up, throwing the covers to the side with disdain as I wait on the edge of the mattress for an ounce of grogginess to pull me back under. But the wave never comes. I expel a breath as I get to my feet, slowly padding out of my room barefoot. The coolness of the floorboards almost makes me regret not putting on my shoes before I left my room. As I walk I can't help but think about this life I have built. I know the idea of being a mother is ten times scarier than being a shadowhunter. Without the aid of black runes and angelic blood I can face a room full of angry Shadowhunters and I can just as easily talk my way through the fairy realm. I can even handle the sensation of my feet on the cold floor but not this pain that is shooting straight through my chest, stabbing me straight through the heart. If I could physically stumble over my own thoughts, which I figured was a real possibility, as I'm sent tumbling forward. Awkwardly, I faceplant into a wall of red hair. "What the hell!" Clary exclaims hotly as she shakes herself out of the daydreaming daze she must have been in. As soon as she sees that it's me she immediately dawns her iconic trait which Simon and I have deemed Clary's "mother mode". Reaching out to check me from the crown of my head to my pair of clumsy feet, that is so unusual for a shadowhunter like me. "Are you okay Izzy? I'm so sorry. I was just stealing myself away to think while Jace is with the boys," She says as she nervously wrings her hands together. Seeing her like this is unsettling almost more so than the fact that her hands haven't stopped moving since we've been standing here. Quickly, I reach out and steady them, "I'm fine Clary," I say as I stare into her puzzled expression. "Are you sure? Because if you can't sleep I'm sure Magnus has some herbs for that-" She begins, stopping midway as she sees a smile slip across my face. Of course Clary is going to find a solution to whatever ails me, I mean I can't help but smile. She's always been here whenever I needed her, even in the cases when I thought I hadn't but I really did. "It's not sleep, Clary," I say watching as her eyes search mine for an answer. So instead of holding out on her like I did before I let it spill on over, "It's Simon," I finish. "Simon?" She mimics curiously. "We didn't really finish the night off on good terms. I kind of left him to go to bed," I say painstakingly, feeling the full weight of what I've done come crashing down. "I didn't-" I begin, bursting out into tears before I can even finish. Immediately Clary wraps her arms around me, encompassing me into a hug that's full of her warmth. Almost instantly it makes me feel better, I guess it's that Clary magic. "Look if I find Simon I'll send him your way, okay?" She says as she gives my shoulders a final squeeze. I give her a small nod as she breaks away from me, looking over her shoulder as she retreats into the institute to find her dorky other half. As soon as she leaves I reach up and wipe the tears away from my eyes with the edge of my finger. "You know you're really putting me through the mill," I say as I rub a hand absently across my stomach, "No more tears for now, okay? We have to go find your dad," I say as I begin to pad down the many rooms of this apparently vacant institute.