His Eyes Never Change (Gold like Cor Lapis, Blue as Noctilucous Jade)

Please Don't Do Anything Rash

Trigger Warning: brief suicidal contemplation (starting at "I imagine the experience will be akin to waking up from a deep sleep" and ending at "With a surprisingly steady voice...")

________________________________

Childe flinched.

"Sorry, I'll try to be quick."

He closed his eyes as Guizhong continued to clean the wounds on his face. That karma corrupted soldier had not dug in deeply enough to require stitches, but the claw marks still needed to be taken care of. The god dutifully tended to them, completing her work with a simple layer of bandages. She sat back and nodded to herself.

"I don't think they'll leave any scars."

The corners of Childe's lips twitched up, "Even if they did, I wouldn't mind."

Guizhong frowned slightly. She reached out and grabbed his hand, placing something smooth in it. It was a marble made of deep green jade.

"Just a precaution," she said.

He nodded, then fell silent.

They were inside the room he'd stayed in a few times while visiting Guizhong's domain. The cool scent of sandalwood and glaze lily surrounded them. He could hardly recall arriving at Guizhong's doorstep, only that when she had opened the door for him, he had yelled at her about a myriad of things. His mind had been caught in a flood of emotions and his heart had felt like it was about to collapse in on itself. Guizhong had listened to him patiently, and when he had finally finished he felt much calmer and in control of himself.

All she had said when he had calmed was, "Let's get you patched up."

That was how they ended up here like this. Childe could still feel irritation roiling under his skin, but he didn't want to snap at Guizhong like he had before. She finished cleaning away the medical kit and turned back to him.

"I'll put this away and make us some tea," she said. "Then, we will talk."

When Guizhong returned she brought him out to the courtyard. The sun, even if it was only a false one, helped to warm him and disperse the chill of anxiety from his body. He faintly registered the sound of tea being poured and a moment later a cup was being placed in his hands.

He finally looked at Guizhong who was taking a sip from her own. She smiled softly at him, but her eyes were unreadable.

"You saw your family," she said simply.

Childe averted his gaze.

"I saw this body's family," he corrected. For some reason, Guizhong's lack of acknowledgement towards that statement bothered him. She just continued to stare at him.

"I had my suspicions," she replied, almost under her breath. "This is only further proof."

"You've known since that day with the sugar crystals," he tightened his grip on the cup. "You know how I got here."

Guizhong nodded.

Childe took a deep breath. "Can you send me back?"

Her gaze had not once broken away from him and those silver eyes remained unwavering as she replied with a simple two word answer.

"I cannot."

Childe felt as if his body had been plunged into icy waters. That artificial sun could no longer burn away the cold. The silence between them was loud, the sound of his own heartbeat overtook even the domain's subtle melody.

Guizhong's figure became blurry as the tears pooled in his eyes once more and his throat constricted. That thundering pulse in his head was becoming overwhelming and his skin prickled with the sensation.