Midnight River

D.O.A

Gemma's pov
Song inspo we made plans & God laughed by beauty school dropout

I managed to avoid John since we last spoke a few days ago. It was easier once I returned to work and even though I knew that 141 hadn't shipped out yet, John avoided me too.

Part of me had wished that I would have stuck to my word from the beginning, that way it would hurt a little less but part of me was glad that he was able to understand me a little better now.

I had to stay away from him so I couldn't lose him and he had to do the same with me. It was sad and ironic at the same time but that's how life worked sometimes.

I'd managed to cover the bruises on my neck with makeup and after a few days the color started to fade and the cut on my lip was almost healed. I still couldn't go home, Price's orders but spending my time at work was something I was used to anyways.

They let me bring Beans on base as well and he was happy to roam the halls and receive all the attention.

It was warm and I was on a lunch break so I decided to go outside for my break. Not to eat, I didn't have much an appetite since that night I was attacked. I found a bench by one of the memorials and leaned back into it, staring up at the blue sky.

A few moments later I felt and heard someone sit at the other end of the bench, I wanted to be alone so I hoped whoever it was wouldn't talk to me.

When I turned to see who it was I found Cadaver, looking right back at me.

"Lieutenant." I said, surprised. At first she didn't say anything back, just looked at me. Her gaze said all it needed to; in a way she was sizing me up.

"Doctor." She said back, giving me a nod. I looked towards the ground then, not expecting more than a greeting. "I never thanked you."

"For what?" I asked, surprised, as I dug in my jacket for my pack of smokes. It was empty, damn.

"For getting that bullet out of me." Her response didn't surprise me, she wasn't the type of person to say 'for saving my life.'

"Just doing my job." I said back without looking at her, it was the truth.

"I can see how you see it that way." Senna replied and she seemed a bit more relaxed, resting an arm on the back of the bench.

"You didn't sit here to thank me." I questioned.

"No, I didn't." I waited for her to explain but she didn't, so we sat there in silence for a few moments.

"If it's about John, don't worry about it." I finally said. I was trying to move past him, not keep bringing him up.

"Don't worry about it?" She questioned me this time.

"It's over." I answered though it didn't seem like the right response, I just didn't know how else to put it.

Senna laughed then. A woman whose wedding was just ruined a few days ago, her life threatened, and here she was laughing at me. I think I decided then that I liked her.

"Over? I don't think so."

"Listen, whatever he said to yo-"

"I haven't talked to him about it yet. If you're going to tell me something happened, save your breath. I can tell by the look on your faces." She explained, a little more seriously. I didn't like that she could read me so easily and I hated the fact that it was bothering John even more.

"It just didn't work out." I said plainly.

"Why not?" She asked, arching a brow at me.

Wasn't it obvious?

"I'm not like you." I told her, not meaning her specifically but the taskforce as a whole, all of them. I was just a liability and still not over my past.

"That's a good thing. Johnny needs someone normal."

"Normal? So far being with him has made me anything but. I was almost killed." I said as I met her gaze, which surprisingly softened as my words settled in for her. Like she understood.

"What happened to you, why you were targeted, it wasn't Soap's fault. It's mine."

"Doesn't mean it can't happen again." I argued.

"That's true. But it's unlikely. Graves is a different breed. You won't always be in danger." Senna explained, but John hadn't thought so. "Besides, you seem more than capable. You're not harmless."

Compared to the rest of them I definitely was. Killing my attacker, it had been luck.

"What are you getting at here?" I asked, wishing she'd get to the point. My break was almost over.

"Listen, I don't want to meddle. But Johnny, he's the best of us. He deserves to be happy and I saw the way he looks at you. I was too far up my own ass to notice something had changed before all this. Don't let him push you away. Believe me. The inevitable will happen anyways." She spoke like she knew from experience and I assumed she was talking about Ghost. John had said the two of them had been through a lot together, but yet they didn't let the fear of what ifs keep them apart.

"It's not just him." I said with a sigh. Even if he hadn't pushed me away after seeing me hurt, I had planned on ending it then anyways, with or without his approval.

"I know. I can't relate to how you feel. I don't get left behind while Ghost goes on missions. But I've lost people to this too. I learned the hard way you can't keep people out just because of that. And besides, Johnny is the type of guy that now that he's in there, you'll never get rid of him." She pressed against a finger at her words, her heart, before moving to stand.

"The only reason I can talk to you like this now is because of Johnny. He makes people become the best version of themselves. And if it's him not coming home you're worried about, I can promise you I'd make sure he'd make it home before I would."

She wasn't how I expected her to be, but I could tell she loved him and that they were close. Senna made me feel guilty of all things. I let her words sink in deep but I wasn't sure how I'd end up feeling about them, or if I would take her advice. I could tell it was more for John than me anyways. She just wanted him to be happy, I did too.

"Oh," she stopped and turned just after she started to walk away, "If you decide you want to be more like us, more capable, I can help with that too."

I had to wonder what that offer entailed but I had to get back to work, even with everything on my mind.

With him on my mind.