Midnight River

Take it Back

Soap's pov
Song inspo - I found by Amber Run

I gave it a few days. I needed time to think it over, make sure this was as right for me as it was for her. I didn't want to be selfish, I didn't want to do it on a whim. But Senna was right, fuck her for always being right.

I deserved this right? Gemma did, she deserved to be happy, she deserved someone to look after her and make her laugh. Someone to protect her. I wanted to do all of that for her and more.

Yes I'd put her in arms way, as much as Senna wanted to blame herself the only reason Gemma was targeted was because she was involved with me. She probably hated being stuck on base but at least I knew she'd be safe here. I'd make sure no one could ever hurt her, make sure no one existed to hurt her.

And I'd do everything in my power to come home to her every time I left. I hadn't promised her that I would always come back but it still felt like that, and I couldn't break that promise.

When she wasn't in her office and one of the nurses told me she was on her break, I knew where I'd be able to find her. So I climbed the steps to the roof and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Gemma was there as I expected, back leaning against the ledge so she was facing me, a cigarette between her lips  and head tilted back so she was looking up at the sky. She didn't move to look at me as I took my place beside her and did the same, staring up at the sky. It was bright and clear, almost no clouds like it had been the first time we met.

I was almost saddened by the beautiful day, part of me wanted to go back to that first day so I could take everything back. So I could save her from me.

When I finally mustered up the courage to look over at her, she was already looking at me. Her dark brown eyes that I had become so accustomed to looked more bright and amber in the sun.

Gemma pulled the cigarette from her lips and handed it over to me. I took it but kept it between my fingers, too busy taking in her features that I'd missed so much. Even exhausted she was beautiful.

"I've decided on something." I said to her, finally setting the cigarette between my lips and taking a long drag.

"And what's that?" Gem asked, gaze not leaving mine.

"I was wrong, to push you away. I want to be in your life." I told her, not holding back. "And I want you in mine." She steadied me for a while, trying to read me. I did my best so she wouldn't have to look for long.

"And what about what I want?" She countered but it felt like a test. I'd seen her surprise that night I told her we wouldn't work. When I had been the one to put space between us.

I decided there was no room for space between us.

"I think you want the same." I answered. She had told me that I had never forced anything. I knew by now how determined and strong she could be, if she really didn't want anything between us she wouldn't have been giving me the chance to speak. She'd already let me in before everything happened and I knew she wasn't the type to run with her tail tucked between her legs. I'd been the coward, not her.

"I spoke to Senna." She told me as I passed the cigarette back to her after flicking the ash to the ground.

"I heard."

"Do you know what she said?" Gemma asked, a slight raise in her brow.

"No."

"She said, the inevitable always happens." Her eyes finally left mine as if she was trying to determine what those words meant.

"Do you believe in that sort of thing, fate?" I asked her, not sure how I felt about it now. I knew one thing for sure, Gemma was supposed to be in my life and no matter how scared we both were, there was no going back and changing things.

"No." I thought that was all she was going to say but she parted her lips to speak once more. "I think the world is cruel and it takes things and people from you for no reason at all. I don't believe in fate, or God. I believe that your life is what you make it, even if some things are out of your control. It's not what happens to you, it's how you handle it, how you grow and learn." She paused but I waited for more.

No one spoke like her, no one could string sentences and statements in the way that she could. I felt all of her words, their meaning.

"Still, I think you are inevitable. I think you were right when you told me I couldn't be so scared of the worst and let the good things pass me by because of my fear. If I get hurt again, that's okay, because I got to have the good things in-between. It would have been the same even if Senna hadn't talked to me. Everything she said about you, I knew that already. It's why I let you in already."

Gemma outed the butt of the cigarette then before she looked back over at me, eyes determined.

She'd let me in already, everything from then on was just something we'd figure out together.

"I won't let anyone else hurt you ever again." I told her as I reached out to cup her cheek. I wasn't as good with words as she was, I couldn't make them sound as if I'd spent hours thinking on them. All I could do was tell her exactly what I meant and hope that would be good enough.

"I'm not worried about me." She said and I knew her fear of losing me would always be there and there wasn't much I could do to ease that fear. "But I trust you, and I trust your team." She added to my surprise. Senna must have said something.

"Can I kiss you now?" I asked her, wanting to erase the space between us permanently. I wasn't much for telling how I felt, but I could show it.

"Aye."