A Part of My Memory

Zara

I couldn't sleep. No matter how much I tossed and turned I just couldn't sleep.

I rolled over to the edge of the bed to see that Elliot was still asleep on the floor. Slowly, I got out of bed, grabbed a change of clothes and snuck out of the room. I got dressed in the bathroom and then left the house.

It was early morning. The air was cool and the moon and stars were still out, albeit fading slowly. It was when I was looking up at the stars that I started crying again, thinking of Serena and Ally and Faizah. I remembered the night we tried to spot images and shapes in the stars. And I remembered the night we ran away from a barman because we had already ordered several drinks but somehow we had all forgotten our wallets. Faizah dragged us back to that same bar the next day to pay though.

"Unless you want to see your faces on the news, we're going to pay," she had said.

I chuckled at that memory then clenched my chest as sobs racked my body. I took several deep breaths, desperate to calm myself, then finally the taxi I had called earlier arrived. Memories of the accident flashed and my breathing quickened.

I shut my eyes and whispered I can do this, several times to myself.

"Where to, miss?" The driver asked once I had entered and closed the car door. I immediately put on my seatbelt and shut my eyes.

"The train station, please."

"You got it," he said, starting the car and driving off.

I leaned back against the seat, gulping and covering my mouth to silence my shuddering breaths. I didn't know what time the train station opened, but all I knew was that I had to get home, and I had to get home today.

I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this.

I took deep breaths and—

The car suddenly jerked to a stop and I screamed, sobs wrecking through me as I remembered being thrown out of the pickup from the impact of the large truck.

"Miss," I heard a distant voice say, and I was vaguely aware of someone nudging me. "Miss... Miss!"

My eyes shot open and I gasped. I had been screaming. I had been crying and screaming and thrashing against the seatbelt.

I couldn't do this.

I hurriedly undid the seatbelt and threw myself out of the parked car.

"I'll walk from here," I said as calmly as I possibly could to the shocked driver. "How far is the station?"

"Um... we've arrived," the driver said tentatively, pointing.

I followed his finger and looked behind me to see the train station.

Oh.

****

It was a horrible 3-hour journey, but I finally arrived.

I had thought that I wouldn't be afraid to ride a train, but it was the motion more than anything that made me panic. I couldn't close my eyes because without physically seeing that I was on a train, I always thought that I was in a car which did nothing but make me feel dread.

I got off the train and took in the familiar surroundings. I got out of the station and thought twice before signalling for a taxi. Taking out my phone, I plotted my apartment address. It was a 15-minute drive but a 45-minute walk away from the station. I decided to walk, too afraid to jump into another vehicle. I walked as far away from the road as possible, my shoulder brushing against the buildings on the pavement as I made my way to my apartment building.