A Part of My Memory

Zara

The tension was palpable.

"The beach?" Jess registered with quiet fury. "You've known her since the trip? The one we were meant to go to together? You've known her for that long?"

"Jess—" Elliot tried to calm her.

"I want her gone!" Jess screamed, literally freaking out. "I want her out of your house and I want her gone!"

"Jess—"

"You don't love her, do you?" She asked him suddenly. "You've never told me you loved me. You always just smiled when I told you how much I loved you. Is that because you love her?"

"Jess..."

"Tell me you don't. Tell me I'm only being paranoid. That I only imagined it when it seemed like you cared about her more than me. That I was only irrationally anxious when you pulled away from me whenever she was around. Tell me it's not true!"

Elliot blinked and his mouth opened, but he didn't say anything.

"Tell me!" Jess demanded.

Elliot took a deep breath then, and the thought of him saying those words hurt me a lot more than I wanted it to. The fear sobered me up enough for me to get to my feet and run, past the crowds and into the restaurant. There was nowhere to hide inside so I ran out the front doors and went around the back of the building, but just when I thought I had escaped everyone, a hand suddenly wrapped around my wrist and spun me around.

I came face to face with Elliot.

He opened his mouth to speak but then stopped as his gaze slowly lowered, something on his face telling me he hadn't realised I was in a dress until now. I felt myself heat up as Elliot took in my outfit. Now wasn't the time to get butterflies, but I couldn't help but notice the way he looked at me. He had never looked at Jess like that before even though she always wore fancier and sexier dresses than the one I had on.

It was the things like this that sparked that darn hope in my chest.

Elliot's lips slowly quirked up at the sight of my sneakers before his gaze settled on my face again. But he didn't say anything. It was as if he had forgotten what it was he wanted to say. He only looked at me, again in that way he had never looked at Jess before. In that way that made me assume he felt something for me. In that way that made me think that maybe Jess wasn't paranoid after all, just observant.

"Say it," I found myself saying.

"What?"

"Tell me you don't care about me."

"Zara..."

"Tell me, Elliot," I demanded.

"I'm not going to do that," he said calmly.

"Tell me you don't care about me so I can leave!"

"I can't do that, Zara!"

"Why not!"

"Because I do care about you!" He blurted and then immediately cursed, releasing my wrist and covering his face with his hands, breathing heavily. "I do care about you, Zara. A lot," he added softly, almost as if it pained him to admit but he couldn't help himself. "I don't want you to leave."

My heart pounded, and I was pretty sure his did too. He took a step away from me as if not trusting himself not to step toward me and, I don't know, kiss me. But that was what I wanted. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to pin me against the wall, his body flush against mine, and really kiss me. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, wanted to share his breath and run my hands through his short, curly hair. I wanted to feel his hands on me, wanted to put my hands on him. I wanted all of that, all of him. I wanted to be a part of his life and maybe even his family, for real. I wanted to love him with no worries and no limits. But I couldn't do any of that. Because he wasn't mine. And I wasn't his.