Call it what you want // jude bellingham

03

I honestly don't think I am ready for this.But I have to be.I was training all this time for this.I have studied hard and worked really hard to get here, yet I feel like I am gonna pass out if I don't get out of here right the fuck now
Mr Roberts might have noticed too because he touched my shoulder and gave it a rub while shooting me a kind of encouraging look "Hey you got this Kiddo, alright?"
I thought about how I really got this and for some weird reason I felt a little more confident so I nodded my head and "Yeah I got this"
I might know that the reason why I felt so sure and confident all of a sudden may be Jude smiling at me and shooting me glances once in a while but I would never admit it to myself.

"Everybody get in your positions" somebody of the cast yelled while setting the camera on. And everyone went tho their places.

I sat in the couch near the camera and looked through my cards for the last time to be sure I was prepared. My hand were trembling for some stupid goddam reason that I could understand. I was sweating like crazy and I was looking around to find some confidence in me.

" Don't be so nervous Gentile" Jude said while nudging my now trembling fucking leg " Besides I won't judge if you do an awful job"

He told me to make me feel what I assume comfort but that only made me more nervous and he saw through me

"Hey, I am kidding you know...I think you are going to be great. In fact I believe you are gonna be the best of them!"

Now that was it. I smile so hard at his comment that my mouth hurt. I felt my stomach swelling with butterflies and I felt warmer that before.

I started asking Jude questions about his schedule and how he manages to set through training.
He was honestly doing perfect. He was answering all of my questions with such easy and he was smiling to me all the time. I know the smiles were for me cause they were different. They weren't for the camera. They were to comfort me and to make sure that I knew I was doing well and to keep going.

After a while the interview ended and I stood up to go get some fresh air. Jude followed me out and we went to sit by the bleachers.

"Can I be honest with you Gentile" Jude said and I have to admit I felt some kind of uneasy because I thought something bad would come out of his mouth.

"Umm...sure go I head"

He looked at me and came a little closer "You did more than okey back there. And you were looking too beautiful while doing. You honestly got me feeling all nervous and shit."

I laughed at him. " Hahaha...thank you. Honestly you made me want to puke a little less"
That made him laugh too" What can I say, I really tried my best!"

And then silence was dropped in. We didn't talk we just stared at each other for way too long. And if my stomach had a mouth I am sure it would be fucking screaming right now.
But could I do. He was looking way too fine for his own good.

I looked at the time in my watch and decided that it would be best to go back inside and truly to ding Addilyn.

" I have to go back inside and look for my friend. But umm.. once again thank you for what you did." I said as I got up.

He got up too"I should be the one to say thank you for doing such a great job. Oh, and by the way, your friend is really cool!"

I smiled " Yeah she is the best"

We both walked back inside but before heading to different directions we heard some whispering. Now I am not one to eavesdrop but once I heard my name I fucking had to.

" Well she was very awkward and she honestly looked like she was flirting with him" one crew member said and I felt my stomach drop

" Tell me about it.. He was smiling to her and it did not look professional at all...Besides we could fine someone more suitable. Like a man or something." the other one said and I felt the colour of my face being drained. I felt lightheaded and frustrated. How could they assume such things. The literally saw me for 10 fucking minutes and fuck me we didn't even exchange a word. I had just smiled at them with what I thought was a genuine smile.

Jude noticed my discomfort and disappointment and came closer to me. I turned to look at him only to realise that he was looking just as much frustrated as I was. Hell even more! He looked at me and touched my hand.

I don't know em what got to me but I just turned my head away before he could see my eyes tearing up and stepped away. I said before running away.