My Cyberbully

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

     Laying in complete pitch black darkness I breathed in his cologne, found odd comfort in his masculine heat and wondered how I managed to let this happen.  I didn’t need to see to know my computer sat to the far left.  I hadn’t spent much time with it lately due to his watchful eye.  After all, I was his now. 

     Honestly he wasn’t abusive in a physical sense.  In fact one might argue he wasn’t abusive at all.  He treated me like his doll, always brushing my hair for me and helping me bathe which was intensely uncomfortable, but he never did anything in a perverted way.  It was like I was his queen and he was my devoted servant.  That didn’t mean I accepted everything he did, said and expected of me.

     The fear was very real and constant.  Though he had yet to lay a hand on me in a hurtful way I believed he might should I resist or seek help.  Wherever I went he followed.  Wherever he went I was to come along and hold his hand even in public.  Yes, that is right.  We would attend to daily chores like checking the mail, shopping and such, but it wasn’t fun.  It wasn’t normal.

     He was an admitted killer and swore he would kill again if anyone ever threatened me in any way, shape or form.  And I thought to myself if he was capable of murder what else might he be capable of? 

     Apparently he had connections to some powerful organizations.  That was how he obtained a key to my apartment, tracked me down and found out everything about me.  And by the way, he wasn’t hurting for money.  He didn’t go into specifics, but from what I gathered his parents were rich elites with their hands dirty in politics and the stock market.

     He said I would grow to love him.  He begged me to love him.  I didn’t even know him!  I’m sure there were plenty of full grown women who’d love to love him.  He was a man, not a teenage boy or twenty-something hot shot.  Judging by looks he could easily pass for a twenty-something hot shot, but he corrected me about his age.

     I asked him, “Why me?”  It wasn’t meant to sound like I pitied myself because it wasn’t a pity thing.  It was meant to sound like “why me when there are tons of girls out there with bigger boobs and whatever else” because it was so painfully obvious I was nothing special.

     You’re nothing special.  You’re excess baggage. 

     My Step-father’s words lived in my memories even after he was gone.  I tried to turn onto my side, but Damon’s arm pulled me closer against him.  The only thing I had was my writing.  It…  Who am I kidding?  It sucks.  Everything I’ve tried to do to express myself has always failed.  I tried cosplay and people couldn’t stop telling me how I was an ugly bitch.  I tried YouTube videos and hypocritical bible thumpers jumped down my throat.  And when I attempt to write stories regardless of the subject matter…they are the children nobody wanted.  So why continue with any of it?   

     I am nothing and will never be something.  Everything I have ever hoped for or dreamed about is shit and not even useful shit.  I hate it.  I hate feeling empty and like I am wasting my time.

     With a violent tug I pulled free and rolled onto the floor.  Landing with a thump I quickly picked myself up and felt through the darkness until I found the door.  It didn’t matter he stirred behind me.  I was already at the bathroom door and flung myself inside. 

     Flipping the switch light blinded me and as my eyes adjusted through a veil of tears I fished through the medicine cabinet and began twisting caps off of random bottles.  Pills and tan bottles filled the sink.  Frantically I jabbed yellow circles and blue oblongs into my mouth, chewed and swallowed.  By now Damon was pounding on the door, shaking the knob and screaming, but over my own sobs and pill chomping it barely registered. 

     My tongue was numb and my throat burnt.  All the yellow circles were gone and only a few blue oblongs remained.  My limbs were heavy and weak, but there were only two blues left.  I needed them.  I needed to escape this life once and for all.  I wanted death and death wanted me.  It was a perfect match.

     And then I was the pill darkness swallowed.