My Cyberbully

Chapter Twenty-One

A/N:  I know it may seem as though this story is going nowhere, but for me this is more than a story.  It is, in a way and although pretty much fiction, an outlet for me to express my truest thoughts and feelings.  For the most part this story is fiction, but certain events are actual fact as they happened to me in real life such as the bullying online.  Now having said all that here is a short chapter.

     Chapter Twenty-One

     When I was young I believed in God.  I believed in angels, Santa Claus and even the Easter Bunny.  It was an easier time.  It was a simpler time.  Things were less complicated and basically all that mattered was trivial objects.  Cartoons and toys were my world but not as much as my Mom was.  I don’t know but when you are young it is like your Mom is this being you look up to, admire and love with all your heart.

     As time passes and your thoughts mature you see the world a little differently.  It changes as you change.  You begin to realize perhaps Santa Claus is not a jolly fat man dressed in red and the Easter Bunny is nothing more than a fantasy.  You begin to questions the origins of the world and ponder the mysteries of God.

     More time passes and as more people enter and exit your life you develop alternate thoughts and feelings.  Maybe you meet someone who completely destroys your faith and you become agnostic.  Maybe that same person forced you to sleep in a closet because he told you that you didn’t deserve a bed or a pillow or blankets.  Maybe he threatened to beat the holy shit out of you simply because you got up after midnight to use the bathroom.  He is your step-father.

     Becoming an adult is not all it is cracked up to be.  It changes you and not always for the better.  You learn the true ways of the world and the intentions of people within it.  It can either harden you or break you.

     There are so many avenues you can branch off into.  Some are dark and lonely, ridden with malice and ill will.  Others are grayer than black and offer a slightly better discovery.  Some are colorfully lit paradises with luxuries all around, but usually these roads are open only for the rich folk who earn money either wrongfully or through years of tough labor.  Usually the latter is rare however. 

     Sometimes I want to be a child again.  Only a few things make me want to remain an adult and if they slip through my fingers life just wouldn’t be worth living.

     All this swirled in my head as I lay there next to Damon.  I ached from Damon’s lovemaking.  I won’t lie.  I thought the pain would never go away.  I know he tried to be gentle.  I realized he didn’t want to hurt me.  From my understanding though a girl’s first time was painful.  He promised the next time won’t be as bad and that he was “honored” to be my first.

     Afterwards my agonizing journey to the bathroom landed me with the discovery I was bleeding.  Damon assured me this was normal and then he bathed me as usual, being incredibly kind to wipe away all traces of my loss.  It was then I truly believed I could love him.   There was no more denying it, no more kidding myself.  I couldn't discard the growing sensations manifesting within.