Backlash Part 2

Chapter 211: Dream of Memory

Lan Wangji dreamed. He dreamed of Wei Wuxian. Radiant with joy, his quicksilver smile and laughter bright enough to light the darkest corners of Lan Wangji's heart. Beautiful. So beautiful. Wei Wuxian was the sun that the flowers bent towards, the flame that drew countless moths. Wei Wuxian drew others to himself with the same inescapable force.

Lan Wangji was terrified. Terrified of that beautiful light as much as he desperately craved the promised warmth. Lan Wangji feared what would be found if Wei Wuxian's brilliance lit up all the dark corners of Lan Wangji's heart. Would Wei Wuxian be frightened? Would he find Lan Wangji to be too cold? Too rigid?

Lan Wangji's words and feelings were all caught inside his chest. Too loud for Lan Wangji to make sense of them. Too big for Lan Wangji to be able to speak. Lan Wangji was a calm lake thrown into chaos. The still glassy water shattered into tumultuous waves by the errant mischief of a silver eyed trouble maker. Eyes shining with some internal light that transformed the dark grey orbs into burning starlight.

Lan Wangji was lost in the chaos he had become. Wei Wuxian's light transformed the landscape of Lan Wangji's world into something Lan Wangji could no longer recognise. Lan Wangji retreated from the light as much as he was drawn to it. Confused and frightened, and angry that this person was changing everything Lan Wangji knew.

Lan Wangji ignored the ache as Wei Wuxian left the Guest Lectures. Promising himself that this would be better. Without Wei Wuxian to disturb him, Lan Wangji's calm would return. His heart and mind would finally settle. Then Lan Wangji would be able to breathe again. He'd be able to understand himself again. Instead of being pulled helplessly along by the tide that was Wei Wuxian.

Nothing felt right. The world became quieter. The way it was supposed to be. The way it had been before Wei Wuxian. His peers kept their distance from Lan Wangji. The way they always did. The way they were supposed to. Treating Lan Wangji with respect and courtesy. Lan Wangji was isolated and calm, like a secluded lake.

Lan Wangji felt empty without Wei Wuxian to fill his silence with laughter. Wei Wuxian ignored every line that separated Lan Wangji from everyone else. Wei Wuxian invited himself into Lan Wangji's heart and made it warm and beautiful in a way it hadn't been. Now Wei Wuxian was gone, and Lan Wangji's own company felt cold and empty without him.

Lan Wangji wasn't looking forward to seeing Wei Wuxian again. He was not! The Discussion Conference in Qishan would be featuring an archery competition, and it would be an honor to demonstrate the skills of the GusuLan sect in the competition. That was all. Lan Wangji wasn't thinking about the fact that, as the YunmengJiang head disciple, Wei Wuxian would be there. He wasn't wondering whether Wei Wuxian's archery skills would be as impressive as his sword work.

Lan Wangji foolishly believed that Wei Wuxian's presence wouldn't be so blinding this time. Lan Wangji had convinced himself that it must have only been his imagination. Wei Wuxian's eyes were beautiful, but they probably didn't burn like starlight. Wei Wuxian's laugh was probably warm, but it wouldn't sound like music in the wind. Wei Wuxian would be chaotic and mischievous, but he probably wouldn't turn Lan Wangji's world upside down. Now that Lan Wangji knew what to expect, Wei Wuxian's presence should be a much more manageable intrusion.

Lan Wangji was a fool. Wei Wuxian's every word turned Lan Wangji's mind to chaos. Lan Wangji's calm and ordered thoughts. His carefully regulated emotions. They became a storm at sea. Tossing Lan Wangji about, like driftwood. Helpless in the onslaught. Out of control at every turn. Wei Wuxian's hand around Lan Wangji's ribbon was the rock Lan Wangji broke against. How could he?! How could Wei Wuxian know what Lan Wangji felt for him? And how could he be so cruel as to make a mockery of it? To humiliate Lan Wangji so brazenly in public?