Backlash Part 2

Chapter 229: Baifeng Mountain - Desperate Search

A lifetime ago Lan Wangji had eagerly prepared for the nighthunt competition on Baifeng Mountain. For Lan Wangji, the hunt itself was inconsequential. Much of the hunt, namely the numerous banquets and discussions, would be actively unpleasant. The Nighthunt competition was the largest inter-sect event since the Sunshot campaign. The sects had worked hard to recover from the war. New sects had formed and existing sects had enthusiastically recruited new disciples to replenish those lost in the war.

Every aspect of the event would be crowded and loud. Lan Wangji, as Hanguang-Jun and brother to Sect Leader Lan, would be required to attend. Lan Wangji would not have the luxury to simply leave when some obnoxious clan heir or sect leader inevitably decided to make 'socializing with Hanguang-jun' some sort of achievement to gloat over. Making their need to show off for one another Lan Wangji's problem in a way that Lan Wangji had once considered a shortcoming on his own part, but now realized was just another symptom of the greed and hypocrisy of the gentry around him.

Lan Wangji paused briefly, surprised by the sharpness of the bitter resentment in his own thoughts. It was an old reflex to scold back harsh emotions and undiplomatic words, belonging to a Lan Wangji who was raised to carefully regulate his thoughts and actions. Lan Wangji had changed. There was another lifetime filling in the shape of who he was until Lan Wangji couldn't say what version of himself was living in his skin.

Was he the Lan Wangji who had held Wei Wuxian in his arms after every battle? Was he the Lan Wangji who's love and fear strangled each other in his throat so that every drop of love and worry came out in clipped phrases asking Wei Wuxin to return with him to Gusu, or warning him that cultivating resentful energy was dangerous. Was he the Lan Wangji that was too afraid to speak his heart until his Love was broken and hovering on the edge of death? Was he the Lan Wangji who still left such a Wei Wuxian alone, because he needed to follow the rules more than he needed to protect the man he loved.

The two months searching for Wei Wuxian and Nuan-er felt like a slow death. Painful and agonizing, like lingchi. Every day he failed to find them was another cut. His failure carved slice by slice into the fabric of his being. Flayed alive by the failure of protecting everything he loved.

There was a plan for today. A plan for the entirety of the event, not just the main hunt. Lan Xichen had said that of course they would participate. It would be expected of them, and it would give them a reason to spend time in Koi Tower. A reason to bring people into Koi Tower. Lan Wangji had been so grateful that Xionzhang had a plan for searching Koi Tower. Lan Wangji barely protested not being one of the people doing the searching.

Xiongzhang had made his arguments. Lan Wangji would be watched. He was Wei Wuxian's fiance, and anyone holding Wei Wuxian would be wary of Lan Wangji's movements. Additionally, Lan Wangji was a very prominent, very recognizable, figure. His absence would be noticed and he would be easily recognized if he was found somewhere he was not meant to be.

Lan Wangji had wanted to argue against the decision. His husband and daughter were somewhere. Probably within a heavily warded dungeon. Lan Wangji did not consider it reasonable to ask him to hunt and attend banquets and allow others to search for them in his place, but even Wei Qing had agreed that Lan Wangji should not join the search of Koi Tower. Lan Wangji held his tongue, and his silence was taken as begrudging acceptance. It was not. Lan Wangji did not feel obligated to correct that assumption.

The opening events passed in a grey tinted blur. Demonstrations of horsemanship and archery that were met with thrilled cheers but felt rudimentary and dull to Lan Wangji's senses. A shower of flowers around Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen's entrance that was as cold and colorless as winter snow. The space Wei Wuxian would have filled in these events was left empty, and it matched the aching hole in Lan Wangji's heart.