I SEE YOU | AVATAR

8

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He brings his head close to mine, leaving only a few inches between our lips. My gaze alternates between his mouth and his eyes. I'm not thinking straight anymore. He moves even closer but I put my thumb on his lips to stop him. He frowns and gives me a look of incomprehension.

"This isn't right." I say.

The boy's ears flatten back and he drops his arms down his body.

"I know." He whispers.

"Tsireya and Ao'nung aren't here we should go back to the village." I say as I walk past him towards the village.

I almost break my promise of purity. I put my hand on my heart, which beats as if it wants to leave my rib cage. I have to do this by the book. Wait for the ceremony and choose my mate from among the Metkayina boys who will be there.

I walk without stopping, without turning around and when I reach the village, I lock myself in my Marui by closing the cloths over the openings. I give myself a few mini slaps on the cheeks to get what has just happened out of my head.

I have to forget his eyes, which shone brighter than on other days, the warmth of his hands on mine and his smile. I have let myself be carried away by the atmosphere at the time. This is not what I want. I have to follow the traditions.

I lie down on the mat that serves as my bed. I have to sleep to get through the next day and not think about it. I close my eyes and fall asleep with difficulty.

Cold sweat. My heart beats faster. I feel it beating all over my body, even in my head. I can't sleep properly anymore. I feel hot, then cold. I open my eyes with difficulty, I feel pain everywhere. My arms are both soft and hard as stone. My legs refuse to listen to me. My head spins and my vision is blurred.

I get on my stomach and use my arms to push myself up and onto my knees. My body burns. I put my right foot on the ground. My hands use my thigh so I can stand up.

I lose my balance. I fall forward and narrowly catch the wall in front of me. My hands are sweaty. I close my eyes for a few seconds to try to regain my senses before I get out of the Marui.

It is easier to move when I bite my lower lip but the pain is the same. I can't jump on the nets because I have to be careful not to make a sudden movement that could make me fall. I don't even know if I would have the strength to swim.

The sun is high in the sky and the village is alive. The fishermen throw their nets into the sea, the children play, the villagers chat. But something is wrong. I can feel it.

I walk as fast as I can to the Marui where my parents should be, looking for Mother. She can help me. I put one foot in front of the other with difficulty, despite the headache that gnaws at my skull.

"Mother." I say weakly as I enter the Marui.

Only Father is present as well as Toruk, seemingly having an important discussion. Father turns to look with an annoyed expression at the person coming to interrupt him. Then he analyses me with his eyes. He signals to Toruk Makto to wait before approaching me.

He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Your skin is cold." He notices. "You look weak. What's wrong?

"I don't know." I say, looking at him. "I woke up like this and-"

I feel a pain in my heart. Like a part of it is being ripped out. I can't breathe. My mouth opens in the hope of finding some air but I can't take any breaths.