The bob next door (a squidbob fanfiction)

Another day at work

The Krusty Krab filled with the sweet, savory taste of the best burgers under the sea, but despite a nearly perfect day at this job he loved so much Spongebob was feeling uncharacteristically gloomy. 

Squidward hasn't said a word to me all day  Spongebob thought. He's just been sliding me the orders, barely even looking my way! Was it something I said? Do I offend?  Spongebob checked his breath as his thoughts continued racing. 

The sound of his melodically flat voice stopped Spongebob in his tracks "ORDER 17!!!" Spongebob still dazed and wanting to hear more from his taller, grumpy coworker replied "order...? what was that, Squidward??" "SEVENTEEN" Squidward screamed then continued smugly "Oh I see is the new parent tired?" "What are you talking about?" was all Spongebob could think to say next. "Forget it I don't know why I care!" Squidward said walking away to take an early break. Spongebob was left to scratch his head. What the heck was that about?

~ 

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, SQUIDWARD? Squidward was in the supply closet doing what he does best... shaming himself. He slammed his head against the wall. I shouldn't care but even if I did care the LAST THING I should do is admit it to that buck-toothed happy go lucky  a̶d̶o̶r̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ jerk!!  Squidward had to come up with some way to get through the day with no more slip-ups. He peeked through a hole in the door and his grimace intensified. "Patrick" he hissed through his teeth as the bumbling wad of bubble gum bounced into the Krusty Krab. Squidward watched Spongebob take his order. "The usual Patrick?" Spongebob unenthusiastically asked the dimwit. Squidward couldn't help but grin. Trouble in paradise, eh? Patrick put his hands over his... uhhh nether regions and hopped from one foot to the other. "Yeah but uhhh I really have to use the bathroom" "You know where it is Patrick just go" Spongebob rolled his eyes. Patrick began to sprint, slammed the door and the floor shook a little. Squidward checked his watch. His break may be technically over but there's NO WAY he's heading back now. Instead, he kept watching as the next scene entered from stage left. The tippy tap of Mr. Krab's tiny legs was followed by "SPONGEBOOOOB". The look in the sponge's eyes was genuine fear he knew what was coming. "YOUR FRIEND'S BOWEL MOVEMENTS ARE SCARING AWAY ME CUSTOMERS!!! GO IN THERE AND CLEAN UP THE TOILET HE PROBABLY BACKED UP BEFORE THE STENCH REACHES-" Mr Krabs was cut off by Patrick exiting the bathroom, letting out the foulest scent which in turn made every customer vacate the premises quicker than they arrived. The crab was STEAMING. He nonverbally and forcefully pushed a mop and bucket into SpongeBob's hands,  clenched his nose, and ran into his office. Squidward couldn't help but laugh as Spongebob dragged his feet and sulked into the bathroom. 

Spongebob exited the bathroom gasping for fresh air, Patrick of course had left by then without saying sorry. Heck, he probably didn't even know the torture Spongebob was just subjected to. Squidward's laugh echoed throughout the empty Krusty Krab. "What's so funny?" Spongebob was NOT in the mood. "How do you put up with that at home too???" Squidward said in between cackles. "Home? I don't put up with it at home" Squidward was tired of these mind games. "YOU AND PATRICK WERE PLAYING HOUSE AND RAISING A LITTLE CLAM!" Squidward exasperatingly explained. Now it was Spongebob's turn to laugh. "Yeah and what a mistake that was" he joyously said before correcting himself "NOT JUNIOR! He wasn't a mistake. He was found and he was a wonderful baby clam. The mistake was trusting Patrick with that kind of responsibility. He may be my best friend but he's not the type of person I would want to get REAL married to-" he stopped. Spongebob turned red, embarrassed from blabbing "But you don't care about that why would you care about that? Who cares? Pffft me neither ok bye". Spongebob sprinted out the door. "Where are you going" Squidward yelled after him. "My shift's over, see you tomorrow!" And just like that he was gone. Usually, Spongebob stays an extra 30 minutes at least, but today he ran out. Not the type of person I would want to get REAL married to repeated in Squidward's head. Then what is the type of person? he pondered.