The bob next door (a squidbob fanfiction)

The customer is NOT always right

Spongebob glared through the window. The heat from the grill was getting to him but that wasn't the only thing. Squidward is not much of a charmer to most and that was something that Spongebob had gotten used to. But Bubble Bass' MOM OF ALL PEOPLE took a liking to Squidward ever since they met in a ballroom dancing class. And she'd come to the Krusty Krab just to throw flirty remarks his way and then throw it back as she exists. 

Spongebob never thought he'd prefer to see her pickle hiding, conniving, loser son over her but her constant oggling was starting to really bother him... for some reason. Finally as Spongebob watched their usual banter came to an end with her shaking her behind as she left he heard Squidward sigh. 

"Missing her already, Squiddy?" he said trying to appear as unbothered as possible
"ARE YOU KIDDING??" Squidward said exasperated "I couldn't wait for her to leave" 
"but two weeks ago you said" Spongebob then put on his best Squidward imitation "that dance class was inspiring, moooooving and I think may have impressed some of the more experienced dancers" he also imitated Squidward's laugh spot on which caused Squidward to cover his ears and throw the dirtiest look his way.
"She was funny at first. Heck, I even liked the attention and thought we might start up something casual but dear GOOOOD how clingy can you get??" 
"How clingy can I get?" Spongebob said confused and hurt 
"No you idiot" Squidward said surprisingly softly like he was almost endeared by Spongebobs naivete "for once not you"

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'God when did I find his stupidity cute?' Squidward said in his head. Silently self-shaming as he always does.  Well, he rather have someone with a lower IQ than a pompous arrogant jerk. Squidward thought of his ex, Squilliam, and shuddered. Bad times, baaaaad times. Squidward's thoughts then drifted to the fact that Spongebob doesn't even know him and Squilliam used to date. Did Spongebob think he was straight?? And he just mentioned his almost situationship with Bubble Bass' mom too! Talk about tentacle in the mouth (like foot in the mouth... this is a very funny pun not anything weird and sexual with tentacles ok readers) 

Without even thinking Squidward overshared "Yeah this is why even though I'm bi I skew more towards guys... women are just far too gushy and mushy"

Squidward said that way too loud. Every lady fish in the restaurant shot daggers at him then began to shout "LIKE YOUR SOME PRIZE" "WE DONT WANT YOU EITHER, BUDDY" and worst of all "FLIRTING WITH YOUR COWORKER BY LETTING HIM KNOW WHAT A FISHCEL YOU ARE? NICE APPROACH!" Squidward sunk down so no one would see him in his cashier boat and he sincerely hope Spongebob didn't hear any of that. ESPECIALLY the last part.

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'So Squidward isn't interested in mushy and gushy' Spongebob thought.... 'funny he's called me both of those things'