Random chapters I can't get out of my head

Get Over It

Jason-

I was blasting my music through my headphones while I fixed the Batmobile for Bruce while he and my brothers and sisters were out patrolling for a few hours, enjoying the time I had to myself. Alfred was somewhere up in the manor, while I was down in the cave.

My entire self was covered in stains from the car, dirt, and chemicals needed for the things I was specifically doing, also being kind enough to adjust a lot of what was there and upgrading everything that was there for the old man because I was in a good mood, and I was now trying to fix a leak that I had found for the engine. The wrench in my hand was attempting to tighten the bolt, and it was almost there, but a moment later, the wrench slipped and fell out of my hand, landing on my eye that I had a feeling was going to leave a bruise eventually, and to my dismay, the whole pipe burst and gas sprayed all over me, soaking me to the bone. 

Not expecting it, I shut my eyes and mouth too late as gasoline got in them, making me cough and try to drag myself out from under the car, unaware that my family had returned home, and I crawled on all fours and coughed, spluttering and spitting out the gas that got in my mouth and blindly feeling around for my water bottle to rinse my eyes out, which were on fire. My hand tightened around the metal bottle, and I sat on my knees with my head tilted back as I began rinsing my eyes out, muttering out swears and curses that I knew I was going to have to put money in the family swear jar for later, trying to be careful about it, flinching under the cold ice water against my hot and sweaty skin, but working through the pain, determined to get the task done without having to call for help over something as stupid as this. 

A few moments later, I got all of the gas out of my eyes, but I froze and dropped the bottle. It clanged to the floor as I realized that I couldn't see anything. 

Apparently gas could blind you.

I wasn't having that shit. Like absolute HELL. 

It was times like these that I was grateful for the Lazarus Pit in my veins. I sat very, very still for a long few moments, letting green tint my vision to heal my eyes from the damage the gas did to them, aware of my eyes fully glowing from the pit, and roughly 5 minutes later, my sight was fixed like nothing had happened to it. I blinked several times to be sure, then made the pit's glow fade out of my eyes before standing, turning and glaring at Bruce's car. The vehicle was drained out by now, and now I really had to fix it. 

My headphones were okay somehow, thankfully, and I glanced at my phone. There was still a couple of hours before my family was supposed to get back to the cave, so, not thinking to look around, I sighed and took my long sleeve shirt off and tossed it to the floor, where it landed next to my empty bottle. 

Now, I wore long sleeves around my family for a reason. Reason being that my entire body was completely covered in scars, all of them as old as by the time I was 2 years old. Scars I got from my abusive father, school growing up, the johns that Willis would let hurt me as a little boy, growing up on the streets, then being Robin, everything Joker did to me, my autopsy scar, the many other scars I got from the League of Assassins and the world tour of training Talia took me on after the two years of being Ra's slave and the scars I got from him, ones I got for protecting Damian from all punishments for when he made mistakes, the ones I get from being Red Hood, and finally the cutting scars from my wrists to my shoulders, my thighs, sides, collarbones, and now my hands from my depression and efforts to stop Lazarus Pit madness episodes that constantly came at me, now not as much as a year ago. 

I hid those from my family, and they also didn't know about the large Medusa tattoo on my back, nor the other tattoos I got to match with Roy Harper, my best friend and boyfriend, who knew about all of my scars after he'd had to stitch me up after an ambush as Hood.

Anyway, thinking I was alone in the cave and completely unaware of my family behind me, staring at my back, I went through my phone to find my favorite playlist, quickly getting lost in my zone. I was at peace, calm dare I say, and smiling as I starting singing along with my playlist, singing as loud as I could with a genuine smile on my face, dancing around a bit while cleaning up the mess I made, and when the mess was cleaned, I quickly forgot about working on the car and fell deeper into my safe spot in my mind, my baritone echoing through the cave and body dancing with all of the songs, eyes closed, singing into the wrench from earlier.

I was letting my vulnerable and soft side out in a place that I normally wouldn't dare, thinking I was alone to and free to do so, regrettably not noticing my family, some with their phones up, until I was startled out of my thoughts when my phone chimed with an alert, which ended up being hella loud in my ears, which made me jump out of my skin with a startled yelp. Once I realized that it was just my phone, I took my headphones out and looked at the notification, and felt my heart stop.

It was an article by Vicki Vale, and the headline read-

"Willis Todd released from Blackgate- WHAT?!" I shouted, enrage suddenly coursing through me, along with panic and a bit of fear, and I read the article over and over, my eyes wide in disbelief as my teal iris's scanned through the words quickly. My body was stiff and rigid as I stood there, and the wrench fell to the floor. I could feel my heart racing and stopping, beating irregularly and the Lazarus Pit trying to go crazy. Green flooded my vision, blocking out everything around me, and the madness was screaming, roaring at me to kill Willis, run from everyone, and go on a killing rampage. 

I worked too hard to let my efforts in controlling the pit go to waste. So, before I lost control, I grabbed my gun and shot myself in the arm several times until the gun was empty, and when that didn't work like it normally did, I dropped it and grabbed a knife, plunging it into the same arm over and over, trying to distract myself from the pit and attempting to focus on the pain in my arm. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I worked too hard, I've worked to hard to lose control now... Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Why isn't this working anymore?" I thought, not realizing I said it out loud. 

Nothing was stopping this, no matter what I was doing, and I knew that I had to have someone help me. I let out a scream of pure anger, Lazarus Pit anger, green overflowing my senses, and I grabbed my phone and started dialing quickly. 

Not a second later, the phone picked up. "Babe? What's-" Roy began, but I cut him off quickly. "C-cave... Pit ep-pisode... can't st-stop it... I n-eed h-h-help.... Hurry!" I gasped out, falling to my knees and resting on all fours, trembling violently and trying to stop my body from moving. Roy didn't hesitate. He hung up the phone, and a moment later, the sound of a zeta tube was very faint, announcing someone I didn't hear. 

I didn't hear the 3 people talking to me. I didn't see them coming up to me slowly. All I saw was the solid toxic green of the pit, heard the roar of it rushing in my ears and the madness screaming for me to kill and destroy everything I could, and I could feel it taking over, despite my efforts to keep it locked up. When I felt someone approach me, my body tensed, but didn't stop shaking. I couldn't hear the many people talking around me. I couldn't stop my body from snapping up and lunging at the person closest to me. Tears were in my eyes, trailing down my face as I felt the pit force control over me, and from there, everything went black and all of my senses cut off.

I was terrified of what I was going to wake up and find. Hopefully Bruce wouldn't put me in Arkham or throw me out of Gotham.