My Wee Mate

24 - Slight Obsession

Fraser

With the amount of blood Ailsa smuggles in, I'm almost as well fed as I was in my clan.

The blood leaves much to be desired, all of it being from animals of some kind. Deer, sheep, hogs. It's all well and good to keep my strength up, but it's not enough. It's not as satisfying as human blood, not as strengthening.

But it will do just fine. And I'm not about to tell Ailsa that. Sweet, darling little Ailsa. She has no idea the beast that she's feeding.

Ailsa. Human, Sinclair Ailsa, who has no idea that I fear that she's my mate.

I've been thinking about it a lot, almost too much. I'm in between decisions on what this feeling means.

On one hand, Ailsa is a sweet girl who has endeared herself to me through her words and actions. She reads to me, brings me sustenance, talks to me as if we have known each other for years.

That would be an explanation enough for my slight obsession with her, my desperation to see her at the end of the day.

On the other hand, I want to run my mouth over her neck for other reasons besides feeling from her. That kind of desire, that sort of need, its dangerous.

I've felt similar reasons throughout my long centuries of living, but never of this magnitude. What else could it mean besides her being my fated mate?

I don't know what else it could be. I suppose I'll have to find out for myself.

When she comes down tonight, it's all that's on my mind.

It's hard to concentrate on anything else, even as she serves me with a dish of lamb's blood from the night before. She explains to me that the venison was delicious, and it was difficult to sneak the blood away this time.

Apparently the cook has been growing suspicious of all the help Ailsa has been offering in the kitchen.

I drink the offered meal quickly enough, guzzling it and having my fill. It immediately floods me with power, and I silently thank the lamb for its sacrifice, but my thanks to the lamb sitting in front of me is best offered out loud.

"Thank you, Ailsa. You humble me with your constant care for my needs." I have to say the words, I wouldn't feel right if I didn't.

But another part of me deep inside despises having to rely on anyone. It's easier that it comes from Ailsa, but it still wounds my pride. It punctures the confidence I have in myself like a knife, damaging the faith I have in my self built self reliance.

"You're welcome. As always. I am happy to help you, Fraser. I am just sorry that I can't do more." She hangs her head a little, but offers me a smile.

I sigh, shaking my head.

"You already put yourself at risk to keep me fed. I could ask you for more than that. I don't ask you to do this anyway."

"I... care for you. More than you know. More than I care to admit." Ailsa murmurs, looking at her pink hands that sit cradled in her lap.

My heart pangs. I want to hold her hands and assure her I feel that same way, but I can't.

I can't make any promises to her, all I can do is warn her away from me, caution against what she's asking for and the consequences it would surely bring.

"You shouldn't." I say, my voice grave, and harsher than I intended it to be. "It's dangerous to be doing this, Ailsa. Do you know how much danger you're in by helping me? I should demand that you stop."