The Night We Met

Chapter 12: Still Not Okay

I wanted to get this out so I didn't properly proof read because I have already edited this 10 times over and am tired of the same scenes and words.

So please do my job and let me know if you catch anything while reading. 

Thank you!

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"So dad's back." Dean swallowed, staring at the beer in his hand. It'd been a day maybe two - Dean wasn't paying attention- after the whole.. debacle and he still felt terrible. He couldn't talk to Cas or Sammy yet but Bobby was always there for him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing that hasn't before." Dean said. He took a drink. "He wanted to talk.. he brought up.. that night. Cas overheard the whole thing. So did Sammy."

Bobby winced. He remembered when John told him, asking for help with what to do with Dean who was only ten at the time. He remembered Dean- so small and innocent staring blankly at nothing while the adults spoke.

Bobby was furious at John. It was all his fault, if he'd just stayed away then Bobby would've taken the boys in but John still wanted to pretend he could be a father.

He asked Dean if he wanted to talk about it but Dean shook his head, he was silent for a few seconds after until he was crying into Bobby's shoulder, repeating the same words over and over again. I'm sorry.

When he had absolutely nothing to be sorry for.

"What did Sam say?" Bobby finally spoke. Dean shook his head "We haven't.. I don't want to talk to him about it, he doesn't need to think of me like that."

"Dean he's your brother, you need somebody to talk to hell if not me or him then Cas." Bobby sighed heavily, "Kid, it's never good to keep something that traumatic in. You have to talk about it-"

"Talking won't do jack." Dean spat suddenly. If he just buried it everything could be fine. "So what if some asshole raped me? I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life talking about it Bobby. The best thing for everyone is if I just forget it."

"Dean."

There was so much softness in his tone that Dean winced. He didn't need or want pity, it was bad enough he had to live with himself forever. "I really think you should open up to Cas."

He ignored Bobby. "I'm supposed to take care of things. How can I do that if I'm worrying about myself?"

"Dean, you had to grow up too fast and that wasn't fair." Bobby lowered his head, "Sometimes I blame myself. If I just fought harder to protect you boys then-"

"Bobby, it's not your fault. You are more my father than John ever was- you didn't even have to care about us but you did anyways. I'll never forget that." Dean chewed at the inside of his lip. "Y'know I did.. talk to Cas."

Bobby's brows jumped, he was obviously surprised. He never thought Dean would actually do it. "Oh yeah? What happened? Did the world flip upside down?" Dean sighed. "No.. but I don't feel good about it." He admitted, "We talked for awhile, I told him everything and he still- he still looked at me like I mattered.. he still said he loved me." He choked slightly on his words.

"So then what's the matter?"

"No guy wants their partner to know that they were molested. I feel like I'm even more unworthy of Cas because he knows." He groaned, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Bobby I'm fucked up."

"Dean.."

"Don't try and tell me I'm not Bobby." 

Bobby just huffed, that whole conversation was for another time "How about your father? Did you finish your talk?"