I Can't

Part 3

TW! Eating disorder, self harm

Once I woke up, Dream had made breakfast. I should just eat, he'll worry otherwise.

"Morning, I made breakfast," Dream said as I came down the stairs.

"Thanks," I smiled, sitting down in front of the plate of pancakes he set for me.

I took a bite. Gosh I was so hungry.

"Glad you're feeling better," Dream smiled.

Good, I fooled him.

"Hey, before Sap comes down, I just wanted to say sorry for last night. You get where I'm coming from though right?"

"Yeah, you were worried. I'm sorry for being rude, it was just because I wasn't feeling well and I hadn't eaten," I said, eating another forkful of pancakes.

Sapnap came down and we all ate breakfast. While I was eating, I kept thinking: I'm not fat, I can eat what I want.

I was fine until I finished my pancakes. I stared blankly at my empty plate.

Look what I've done. What was I thinking?

I put my plate in the sink and excused myself.

"Where are you going?" Sap asked.

"I'm gonna call Tommy, I haven't talked to him in a while." Came up with that one fast. Although I suppose I should call Tommy. After.

I went upstairs and into the bathroom. I locked the door and knelt down over the toilet. I stuck my fingers down my throat and gagged a few times before I actually was able to throw up. I threw up my breakfast, my throat burning. I rinsed my mouth and went to my room to call Tommy.

"Hey Georgie-boy!" He said, answering the call.

"Hey Tommy!" I said, clearing my throat immediately after. I didn't realize how hoarse it was.

"Woah, you alright mate?"

"Yeah, sorry," I laughed it off.

"Are you sick?"

"No no, I don't even know what happened," we both laughed.

"So, haven't talked to you in a while. How've you been?"

"Fine. You?"

"I've been good. You sure you're fine? I know Chat was saying some rude things not too long ago."

"How'd you hear about that?"

"I was watching the stream."

"Oh ok. Well yeah, I'm fine. Thanks tho."

"Alright just checking. Minecraft?"

"For sure," I said, logging on.

We played Minecraft for a bit and then Tommy had to go.

"George?" I heard a voice from outside as they knocked on my door.

"Yeah?" I said.

Dream poked his head in. "Hey, we're gonna do a cooking stream. Come join us."

Great. A food stream where I can't even turn off my camera or anything.

"Sure, I'll be down in a sec."

He went back downstairs as I sat in my chair for a moment, staring at the wall. I just gotta do it. Just get it over with, I can purge later if I need to.

I went downstairs and joined them.

"Hey chat!! Today we're gonna bake a cake since so many of you requested a cooking stream," Dream started.