I Can't

Part 4

TW! Eating disorder, self harm, panic attack

The next morning I got up and immediately changed into some running clothes and went for a run. It was almost 8:00 AM and Dream and Sapnap were still sleeping.

I ran 2 miles again, this time getting 22 minutes. Better than last time, but not good enough.

Once I got back home, out of breath, I went upstairs to my room. I did some push-ups and sit-ups before I took a shower. As I showered the bandage on my wrist fell off and the hot water poured against my scars.

"Fuck," I mumbled. It hurt so bad yet it felt so right. I deserved this. I deserve pain.

Once I finished showering, I dried off and put on a clean hoodie and some pants. I didn't bandage my arm again since it wasn't bleeding anyway. I made sure it was covered by my sleeve, though.

I went downstairs for 'breakfast', aka gum. My stomach yelled at me as I put the gum in my mouth.

"Morning," Sapnap said groggily, coming down the stairs.

"Morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Eh. I'm gonna have some eggs, want some?"

"I already ate, thanks though," I lied.

"How long have you been up?"

I checked the time, it read 9:00.

"About an hour."

"Damn," he mumbled sleepily.

Dream came down soon after.

"Good morning Dream," I said.

"Good morning. You want breakfast? I'm gonna have cereal."

"He already ate, he's been up for an hour," Sapnap added with a mouthful of food.

"An hour? Damn how do you have the energy?"

"Get this, I went for a run too," I said in a sarcastic tone even though it was true.

"No, for real?"

"Yeah actually," I laughed at the expression on his face.

For the next 2 hours we all kinda just stayed in our rooms, not interacting with each other. After a bit Sapnap came into my room.

"Yo, I just got a text from one of my friends, he's throwing a party tonight. You down?"

Why not, it'll be good to get my mind off of food.

"Yeah sure. Is Dream going?"

"Yup."

"Okay. What time?"

"10:00 PM"

"Alright."

He left the room and I went over to Dream's room and sat next to him on his bed.

"Hi George," he said.

"Hi, I'm bored, can we do something?"

"Wanna stream?"

"Sure, why not."

We started streaming BedWars. Sapnap didn't want to stream with us, so it was just Dream and me. We were on different teams, and after one of his teammates got our bed, he killed me.

"Come on!" I whined, throwing my hands to my face.

"Skill issue," Dream shrugged as I rolled my eyes at him.

I looked down at my sleeves and found it slightly rolled up from when I covered my face in exasperation. Shit. Did anyone notice? I checked the chat.

User2738: what's on George's wrist?
User3948: how come he's wearing long sleeves inside?