I Can't

Part 6

TW! Talk of rape, panic attack, self harm, throwing up, purging

I didn't tell them who did it, even though they asked multiple times. To be fair, I didn't even know her name. But either way, I just wanted nothing to do with her. I went back into the bathroom to take a shower. My cuts burned underneath the water. I grabbed a washcloth and tried to scrub her touch off of me. Crying, I scrubbed my skin raw. I eventually gave up, my skin rough from the washcloth.

I changed into my pajamas and went to bed. I did not sleep well at all.

I still feel her hands on me.

She appeared in a dream, raping me again. I was helpless even in my dream. I woke up at 4:00 AM, tears in my eyes, trying to catch my breath. I went to the bathroom and washed my hands. Her touch. It was still there.

I took a washcloth and wet it, scrubbing my neck as it dripped on my pajamas.

"Get off, get off!" I whispered angrily.

A tear rolled down my cheek as my breathing quickened. My chest felt tight. I started hyperventilating.

"Just get off of me!!" I said, louder than intended.

"George?" I hear someone say. Dream peaks his head in the door.

"What's wrong? What are you doing?"

"Her touch," I said, out of breath.

"What?"

"It's still on me," I whispered.

He understood what I meant.

"George.." he said, taking the washcloth away from me before I rubbed my skin completely raw.

He hugged me as I sobbed into his shoulder.

Once I calmed down, I went back to bed. It was 4:30 AM, I could sleep a little longer. I slept until about 8:00 AM and then I got up. I went downstairs to find Sapnap passed out on the couch while Dream was making breakfast. I pointed at Sapnap in a questioning manner.

"He got up and then came downstairs and fell back asleep on the couch," Dream explained.

"Ah ok."

"Are you alright, by the way?"

"Hm? Oh, yea. She just appeared in my dream and it freaked me out again."

"Ok. You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine don't worry. Thank you Dream."

He put out a plate of eggs for me, himself, and Sapnap.

"Can you wake up Sap please? I'd let him sleep but we're meeting up with Toby and Tommy today."

"Yea sure," I went over to the couch.

"Sapnap?" I tapped him on the shoulder. "Sap you gotta get up."

"Mmmm," he groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Why can't I just sleeppp?"

"We're meeting up with Tommy and Toby today Sap get your ass up and come eat your breakfast."

"Ok ok I'm coming," he sat down at the counter. "Thanks Dream."

"No problem. George? You gonna eat?"

"Oh, yea sure. Thanks."

We ate breakfast and then went upstairs to get ready. I went to the bathroom first and stuck my fingers down my throat, throwing up my breakfast.

Once I was done, I brushed my teeth. I drank some water to help sooth my throat, but it didn't do much. I went to my room and changed into jeans and a long sleeve shirt.