Behind closed curtains [HYUNLIX]

thirty-five

Hyunjin:

My father leaned on his desk, facing us warmly with a sad smile, "I have one last request.", he started and we both nodded, "Please start actually looking for a wife, both of you. I'm not immortal, one day we'll need a new king.

But till that day comes I want you, my son, to be happy with your wife because it'll be really stressful as a king. And you Yongbok should find someone you'll be happy to spend the rest of your life with as well."

I knew he meant it as a warm hearted reminder but his words cut deeply into my chest, my throat went dry and I swallowed hardly. I didn't want to be king at all.

I despised to be one. I never wanted to be one my entire life, it just didn't feel right.

All I wanted to do is live with Yongbok and our friends till the end of our days, happily.

Even though I knew this wish was egoistic it was all I truly wanted. I couldn't picture myself as the king at all. I'm not ready, I will never be ready.

Suddenly I felt a light pain rushing through my left arm and snapped out of my thoughts. Yongbok had nudged me lightly.

Realising that I hadn't answered my father I quickly nodded and pressed an "Of course." out of my dry mouth.

My father's tired eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn't tell, something between sympathy, surprise and enlightenment.

But I wanted to leave as soon as possible, that's why I nodded deeply before I signaled Yongbok to follow me outside.

He bowed and followed me out of the room. We walked back towards my room, entering it and settling down in the comfortable cushions of my bed.

"Is everything okay?", he questioned with concern in his pretty, brown eyes. I couldn't lie to him, I've never been able to do so.

"No, actually I'm quite worried.", I admitted, feeling his arms sneaking around my waist. I smiled at the action and he pulled me closer onto his warm chest.

"What's wrong my prince?", he questioned with a soothing voice. I melted at his softness and the nickname.

"I'm worried about being king. About my future... but mostly about being king, because that's not who I want to be. I know its selfish and I shouldn't be complaining about it... but that's not who I am and want to be.

I also don't want to marry someone else than you, but I'd eventually have to in case to please our people. I know a few of them are accepting and would have nothing against two kings but the most people who have something against it would definitely not stay quiet.

And I don't want our people to fight against each other just because I love you and not a woman. I sometimes wish I wouldn't be the prince since it would provide me an easier life with less stress and worries.

I as well could love you without having to hide... But those are tiny problems against the ones poor people out there have to face. I feel bad for being so selfish but I don't want to be the king, I despise to be one.

It wouldn't be me, it couldn't be me. Never.", I ended my rant with burning tears leaking through my eyes, I didn't even realise that I was crying.

Yongbok's arms around me tightened, caressing my back gently and soothing my sobs down. He was actually able to calm my pounding heart and trembling body, but my mind was still running wildly.

"Jinnie?", Yongbok's calm and comforting voice called once my sobs had calmed down a bit. I was only able to nod my head against his chest.

"Please listen now.", he trailed and I nodded again, "Don't turn your worries down and talk them small because they aren't. We're always told to be ourselves but its hard to be yourself if you're forced to be someone you aren't.