S.P. One Shots

What if... |a.m.r|

"I don't know what to do, Ally" I tell her and she smiles at me sympathetically. "Well you know how I feel... and I know how you feel..." she points out to me. "Yes but that doesn't mean things should happen" I reply and she nods. "Fuck" I say putting my head in my hands, "I just don't understand" she says quietly as she sits next to me.

"Because you don't know me Ally" I say, my voice muffled by my hands. "Sure I do. I know you hate being around lots of people, I know how frustrated you get when you have to repeat yourself. How mad you get when you feel like you're not being heard" she lists. "That's not what I mean" I sigh and raise my head to see her with a confused expression.

"I'm just not right for you" I say shaking my head, "how can you say what's right for me?" She asks softly. "I just know, Ally. I know myself... how I can get. It's all too much" I say sadly. "You'll never be 'too much' for me" she says reaching out to intertwine our fingers. "You're only saying that now because you haven't seen it" I explain.

"Well... let me see 'it'. Let me see you... I want to know you y/n. The real you and I'm sure I'll love her just like I love you now" she says rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. "What if you don't like me anymore?" I ask staring into space, "that won't happen, darling" she reassures me. "What if you- you leave me? What if you get mad at me?" I ramble on.

"Nothing like that will happen. You're thinking too much, sweetie" she says using her free hand to gently grasp my chin between her slim fingers. She turns my head towards her and looks lovingly at me with a confident smile. "What if I hurt you?" I ask shakily as tears fill my eyes. It's silent for a moment as she ponders on a response.

"What do you mean?" She asks curiously with understanding waiting to be unleashed in her eyes. "I say dumb shit and I don't think about my words sometimes. Like... I don't know. I hate being like this" I sigh frustrated. "Hey hey hey... don't say that. I love you exactly how you are. Even if I haven't seen all the versions of you there are, I can handle it" she tells me.

"There's nothing you could do to make me turn away from you. I have my issues too and you don't love me any less. It's ok to be vulnerable... you taught me that" she says with a shy smile. "I just get so... angry sometimes. I get overwhelmed and I don't know what to do and it just gets under my skin too much. Other times I'm so sad I don't know what to do with myself..." I start.

"Then I just feel nothing. I numb myself so I don't explode because often times, feeling nothing is better than feeling everything" I explain. "Well that's ok. I have enough feelings for the both of us" she chuckles making me smile lightly. "Plus, it's not like I don't get mad or sad... sometimes I don't even know what I'm feeling. Yet you always help me through it. So let me be that person for you" she says simply.

"I don't know if I can" I admit, "how about we just give it a go and see what happens? We're already off to a great start. You opened up and I'm so proud of you, sweetheart" she says pulling me into a hug. "Ok" I reply to her question and she squeezes me a bit tighter before letting go.

She leads me by the hand to her bedroom where we change into pajamas. As we lay down her arm immediately goes to my waist and pulls me closer. I snuggle into her and sigh happily as I feel her warmth spreading through me. "I love you, sweet girl" she whispers giving me a gentle kiss on the temple. "I love you too" I reply before drifting off.