S.P. One Shots

Old Habits |x.t|

TW: ednos
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Ever since I started dating Xandra I feel like I've been getting better. She's so sweet to me, always telling me how much she loves me. Lately though, I haven't been feeling too good. At first it was just a few meals, I could miss some right? Skipping breakfast became a routine, one that was way too familiar.

I used the excuse that I'm just not much of a breakfast person. It's true, I never did eat breakfast before school or anything. My mom never cooked for me and there was nothing easy enough for me to make. Then I would go to work and come home just before dinner.

Work would distract me so much that I would 'forget' to eat. I would come home and just want to sleep. So I started telling my girlfriend that I'd eaten at work, or that I simply wasn't hungry. She excepted it most nights, but on the nights she cooked I felt bad and ate. Then I would feel bad for eating so I wouldn't eat at all the next day.

I went through my routine again today and I'm hoping she hasn't cooked tonight. My hope fades as I unlock the door and smell the all too familiar scent of pasta. Don't get me wrong, I fucking love pasta but that's a lot. It makes me bloated and I feel so full after because I just can't help myself and eat a lot.

I sighed putting down my things and preparing an excuse. I turned to the kitchen to see Xandra standing there waiting for me. "Hi baby" she says with a smile, "hi" I say tiredly. "I made your favorite! I know you've been working really hard and I wanted to cheer you up" she says cutely. I'm such an asshole. "I really appreciate that, honey. I'm just not really hungry" I say.

I don't even think about the words as I've said them so many times before. Her face falls and I realize I'm going to have to make this up somehow. Before I could even get a word out she stopped me. "Come sit" she said softly but with no room for argument. I nodded and followed behind her to sit at the dining table.

"I don't mean to upset you when I say this. You have to know that I really love you, baby. I'm only asking because I want you to be ok" she explains. I simply nod and hope she asks me if I'm cheating. Sounds crazy but that would be so much better because I wouldn't have to lie to her. "When's the last time you've eaten?" She asks taking my hand to comfort me.

I open my mouth to answer quickly but I realize I don't even know. The silence overwhelms me and I don't know how to fill it. "Baby..." she says pulling me out of my thoughts and back to the present. "Yesterday" I sat on autopilot, it's not good but it's not as bad as the truth. "Please don't lie to me" she says sadly and I take a deep breath thinking back over this week.

"4 days ago" I say looking down at the table, "What did you eat?" She asks softly and I feel myself tear up. "Some cheese" I say guiltily, "ok... and before that?" She asks concerned. "2 days before that I had dinner with you. I promise I ate it all" I say defensively. "I believe you, sweetheart" she says calmly rubbing the back of my hand.

"Do you think you can try to eat tonight? Even if it's not the pasta" she says gently. I just nod knowing I'm not going to be able to get out of this. "So you want some pasta? Or something else?" She asks looking into my eyes, I look away and think about it. "Can I just eat a little bit of pasta" I say gesturing with my fingers.

"Of course" she nods, she stands up and looks down at me smiling. "I love you, ok? I'm so proud of you for being honest with me" she says giving me a kiss on the forehead. She walks off to fix the pasta and I sit there staring blankly at the wall. "Honey" she calls getting my attentions, I look at her and my eyes wander down to the plate.

"T-that's a lot" I stutter, "it's for both of us" she reassured me and I nod. "Sooo you remember that show we were watching?" She asks lifting the fork to my mouth, I take a bite and nod. "Well someone at work told me how it ends and I'm so mad" she says rolling her eyes and taking a bite. "No way! That's off limits" I reply annoyed and take another bite as she lifts it to my mouth.

"Exactly what I'm saying! I was thinking maybe you could help me forget about it later" she smirks. I take a bite off the fork and shove her playfully. We talk and talk for I don't know how long and when I glance at the bowl again it's empty. "Don't worry about that. You did a good job, baby" she tells me before kissing me softly.

She puts the bowl in the sink and comes back over to me. Picking me up and walking over to the couch sitting me in her lap. "How about we watch... the 100?" She asks cheerfully, "sure" I whisper. "It's ok baby. I ate most of it, you know I have a bad habit of talking while I eat" she says. She really does and it gets on my last nerve but I love her anyway.

We watch the show until I begin to fall asleep. Xandra carried me up the stairs and changed me before we laid down. The night filled with endless kisses and sweet words between us.