S.P. One Shots

Don't You Remember |l.w|

Based on the song by Adele

It's been three weeks since Lana left me, she didn't even give me a reason. You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said. She just walked out the door and never came back. I remember frantically checking all her designated drawers and all her things were gone. When did she even do that?  I tried texting and calling her but she wouldn't return any of them and at some point the phone just wouldn't ring and my texts wouldn't deliver. I just wanted to hold her again, to feel her skin against mine, to kiss her, even if it was the last time. No final kiss to seal any sins.

Just the day before we were laughing together and watching one of our favorite movies. I was in her arms and she was just staring at me so intently, I had no idea of the state we were in. I just don't understand what happened, maybe she just got bored of me and all of my issues. I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness, and a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head. That can't be it, she said she loved those things about me. She said they were her favorite part because she felt honored to get to see that side of me and know I trusted her.

Don't you remember? The reason you loved me before. I thought maybe she just needed some time away and that she would come back. She said she'd never leave me and I believed her, I trusted her. When was the last time you thought of me? Or have you completely erased me from your memory. I think that a lot and as much as it pains me, I already know the answer. She hasn't tried to contact me and won't let me contact her so it's clear that she doesn't care anymore.

I often think about where I went wrong. I've tried to get my mind off of it and go out, get drunk, hang out with friends, but it never works. I realized it feels like there is no me without her. The more I do, the less I know. I tried my hardest to remain calm when it all first went down, I didn't text or call her, because I know Billie. At least I thought I did, but I know this was all new for her. She's a person who loves her personal time and space and being with me was nothing like that. I always wanted to be around her so I figured maybe she didn't think she could tell me she needed a break, which made me feel worse in the end.

Gave you the space so you could breathe. I kept my distance so you could be free. That wasn't what it was at all and I regret not immediately calling her, maybe I could've changed her mind. Realistically I know that's near impossible because of how stubborn she is but it wouldn't have hurt to try. If only I had knew. If I could talk to her just one last time I imagine I would say: I hope that you find the missing piece, to bring you back to me. I would beg her to stay but I now know that it's pointless, she wanted to go and so she did. Nothing I can imagine would have made her stay.

That doesn't stop me from hoping that one day she will come back to me. At least to tell me what happened, where did I go wrong? I look up to the ceiling, my body limp against the couch as tears run down my face. The couch we were just sat on talking about the most random things. Did she fake it all? "When will I see you again?"