The AU

Shiny - Zoro

I.

        "Seize all opportunities", That's what I go by. It's how I'm still alive, and most importantly, how I get money. I like money. And gold. Riches are my only will to survive, if I'm completely honest. Do I sound greedy? Nah, I'm not greedy. Why am I even thinking about this? I'm definitely not greedy. Ugh, I need to stop thinking, maybe that's my motto? AGH, stop thinking! Wait, why do I even need a motto? STOP THINKING.
        I squeezed shut my eyes, enveloping everything in darkness.
Man, I need a beer.
        I looked towards the smokey horizon, the castle seemed more intimidating than usual. I let out a quick sigh, I really didn't feel like dealing with Satan's problems today.

        A deep horn-like sound blared throughout what must've been the whole planet. The noise continued to echo and then another wave of the sound would begin, my ears rung with the horrible sound.

Fuck.

Gabriel's Horn.
         An instrument that never should've been invented, in my humble opinion. The Horn's ear bleeding sound continued to echo. I looked around, trying to spot where those goofy aa- angels were. The ugly sound of their horn rang through the air again.
      
        I scanned the scene, hundreds of demon bodies dropped from the sky then laid unconscious or even worse, dead. Usually death would be enjoyable to watch, but this wasn't. At last, I spotted the Angels blowing the Gabriel's Horn. It reflected the red glare of our star.
        "Shiny," I whispered in awe.
The prince could defend himself for a while, right? I may have despised the Horn but now seeing it clearer, it was shiny, and if on the correct angle, would do nicely for holding beer.
       I decided I wanted the horn.
       I squinted, trying to see if there were any weak spots I could slip through. There were not. The angels had an orderly army, compared to ours which had a kind of chaotic order to it.
      Maybe I could attack them head on. I considered the strategy for a moment,       
Nah, they'd beat the crap out of me. There's too many of them.
I looked back towards the angels, why do they care so much about some horn that belonged to 'Gabriel' anyways? Poor Gabriel, what did he do for them to take his horn? Damn, he must've done something treacherous to piss the angels off then. Respect for Gabriel. Rest in peace man.
        I turned my head to look back at the castle, the angels hadn't reached it yet. If any angels did happen to get to it, Pollux probably could hold them off.
        I glanced toward the angels, and slid into the shadows of Hell's prized giant bear statue originally built to memorialize the Ursa Major.

What could I do to distract the angels?
        I wondered to myself.
'Eat them.'
What? No, how would that even work?
       My conscience was a literal idiot.

        I took a deep breath and adjusted myself so my head peered to the side of Ursa Major.
        Let's see, I could use some telepathy to make an angel begin cussing out their lord.
       Hm, not good enough, I need them to retreat. Not be stunned for only a few seconds out of shock.
        Or..I could use telekinesis to pull down some angels' pants. A classic prank.
        Yes. That's what I would do.
Man, I love childish tricks.
        I focused on the angels, scanning for targets.
        "Ah, there." I muttered in a low whisper.
         An angel with short white hair stood towards the front of the compacted group of soldiers, the angel wore a slightly more ornate uniform than the others, a perfect first target.
        I closed my eyes, furrowing my eyebrows, I concentrated on the visual of the soldier's pants sliding off and into a nearby fire, I opened my eyes and looked straight at the target. With a mere flick of my hand, his white pants ornamented with eccentric golden patterns slid right off his legs and flew itself straight into some flames.
The soldier looked down at his bare legs and let out a shriek similar to that of a homosapien toddler.
       I smirked as he flew past me, it was a masterpiece. I searched for more angels to target, I began picking out the angels that wore fancier uniforms than the common foot soldiers, once most of those were gone, I switched to the latter.
Eventually, I managed to clear most of them out, all fleeing in embarrassment or confusion. Only a remaining eight were left. I needed to act fast, before reinforcements arrived.
       I tried to stick to the shadows as I drew closer to their annoyingly bright auras. They were about 8 feet away when I drew my devil's marble tipped lance. I preferred battle axes and swords but I guess a lance would do for now.
       I climbed the statue of Scorpius, which effectively was right behind the squad of angels, and swung the lance over my head as I jumped. Mid air, wings similar to that of a bat appeared to my sides. I swung. My vision began taking on a red tint. I rubbed my eyes and looked down at the lowly angels taking permanent naps.
       I set myself back on the ground and picked up Gabriel's Horn. It's texture smooth to my touch.
Shiny.
       I returned the lance to it's rightful place on my back and ran towards the kingdom.