To the Moon and Back

6. Working, and talking about loneliness

"You sure you can be here helping me out?", Xie Lian asked, while unscrewing the lid of the bioreactor, "I can do that by myself you know".

"I know, but I still want to give you a hand", Hua Cheng replied, holding the lid up.

They were on a side room between -3 and -4, where the membrane bioreactor – that is, the machine that did all the water recycling on the Moon Station – was, wearing gloves and protective gear, complete with goggles. The bioreactor used a combination of a biological treatment for organic and oxidisable matter and membrane filters to remove solids.

These filters worked on a molecular level, so they needed to be replaced from time to time – it wasn't anything hard, but as they could get contaminated fairly easily, they had to be handled with care. That's why as soon as Xie Lian mentioned he'd be doing that Hua Cheng offered to help.

"You can even put it down as a professional interest", Hua Cheng said, placing the bioreactor's lid carefully on the floor. Xie Lian dragged a small ladder and stepped up on it with a square container.

"Yeah right", he pffted a laugh, "What's so special about a bioreactor for you guys, you must study it, I don't know, on your first semester".

Hua Cheng laughed too, "We do actually! Still, this is as estate-of-the-art one", he paused, and added, "Besides, I'd like to help you out, since Gege took me in".

Xie Lian took a used membrane filter out, which looked like a big metallic sheet, placing it on his square container, and reached out for a new one, handed over by Hua Cheng. It was wrapped in a film to be inserted in a way that'd unwrap only inside. The used filters would be sterilized then sent back to Earth – they could be reutilised, but not there.

"The way you say it it's like I found you outside like a stray dog, and brought you home".

He took another filter out, and replaced it by the one Hua Cheng handed to him.

"Well you make sure everything is working properly around here Gege, so thanks to you not only I'm alive, but comfortable too. And you cook nice dinner every night..."

"If you can call them nice", Xie Lian replied, not yet convinced Hua Cheng actually liked his food. He added, "And you cornered me into inviting you for dinner anyway".

Hua Cheng pffted a laugh and said, "I still feel you took me in. The Moon Station IS your home..."

Xie Lian reached out for another filter, "That's my job isn't it? What do you think a station manager does?", he smiled teasingly.

That first dinner together really broke the ice between them: Xie Lian felt like he had known Hua Cheng his whole life, and they could just talk about anything. Since then, Hua Cheng's been helping him with maintenance in general too – maybe he was interested in a station management career after all.

Xie Lian went on, "Also, I don't have a family or anyone back on Earth, so I don't mind doing mission after mission. It's not a big deal. And – "

He inserted the filter, turning to Hua Cheng and smiling, "I quite like being here. Peace and quiet..."

"And lonely", Hua Cheng replied, "Don't you feel lonely Gege?"

Xie Lian thought about it. No, he didn't feel lonely, not really. Maybe he didn't know any better, what with having spent most of his adult life on the Moon, and there was always something to do too. He didn't feel any discomfort at being there, and he really didn't get what all these people talked about: loneliness, isolation, this being an unsocial work.

"No I don't. They always say that: you're weird, you'd rather just stay here by yourself. Feng Xin and Mu Qing I mean. Well yeah? What's wrong with being by myself? No I don't feel lonely..."

Hua Cheng handed over another filter and went on, "Right. Well I hope you don't take it personal, but being alone for long periods of time like that isn't good, for your mental or your physical health. It's not me saying that. There are plenty of scientific papers on – "

"I know San Lang", Xie Lian replied, reaching out for another filter: it was the last. He went on, "I'm not saying my way is better, or I'm right. I'm just telling you how I feel, since you asked. Maybe I am weird like they say, who knows".

"You're not weird Gege", he replied, "And thanks for telling me how you feel, I appreciate the trust. Just, well I don't believe you don't feel lonely at times".

He then handed over the lid to Xie Lian, who fit it in place, and started screwing it back. Xie Lian stepped down the ladder, and put it away. He didn't reply: what else did he have to say, and he himself must know how he feels better, surely? Hua Cheng could think whatever he liked.

He lifted his protective goggles and put a hand on Xie Lian's shoulder, gazing at his face, and said, "To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. Relationship is a process of self–revelation. Relationship is the mirror in which you discover yourself. To be is to be related".

He then smiled smugly, winking as if proud of himself for having remembered that quote.

Xie Lian widened his eyes, then pffted a laugh, "Alright! And here I was, thinking you were a biochemist, not a philosopher..." 

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