Anxiety

Perfection

"It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to do something you wish you hadn't done, Because if we don't do those things, We never grow.
-Dawn Stanyon

Everyone now wants perfection. Yes, This includes me. I want to be that girl that has confidence, But not be full of themselves. I want to be the girl that can pull of any style, including, hair, makeup, clothes, cars, shoes, Etc. I want to be all of the above. Guess what? Its impossible!
We are all our own version of beautiful, weather we see it in ourselves or not. Myself? I've been called beautiful by a lot of people. (Not sounding rude or anything.) I have been told I'm pretty, smart. Stuff like that. Guess what? I DON'T SEE IT. I have No confidence whatsoever. I don't see it. Weather it be beauty or brains, I never fail to overlook what everyone else sees.
Lack of confidence/self-esteem takes a toll on a person. You would think you could look at yourself and say, "whatever, I'm ugly," And walk away not caring. But its not like that. I'm pretty positive that's what everyone thinks. But, like I said, it can take a toll on somebody. It can make them hate themselves.
I hated myself at one point. I hated myself because I had a weird kind of bullying experience. Even before that, I had no confidence. So, once I got this weird unexplainable form of bullying, I started to hate how I looked unless I covered myself up with makeup. I'm possibly underweight for my age and height, I've been that way as far as I can remember. Yet, I started hating my weight. I started feeling fat and like I would be judged because if my "fat." I thought people would look at me different. I would look at my stomach in the mirror from different angles and I still felt fat. I did get over it, although I do have days where I feel overweight. I feel Everyday like my friends will judge me because I'm not in shape. (Don't get "fat" and "Not in shape," mixed up. You can be skinny and still not in shape.) I have to tell myself that if my two friends are Real friends, they won't care.
I think everyone is beautiful in their own ways, unless they have a horrible personality. Of course, I don't see my being beautiful/pretty/etc in my own way. Of course. But I think its crazy that so many people think that they can make themselves perfect to everyone.
-Nerd