Anxiety

Facing Anxiety

"I have social phobia. Excuse my lack of eye contact and my awkward silence.' I'm not choosing to be this shy. This is hard for me."
-Whisper

I sort of did something social. I didn't really talk to anyone. Obviously. But I forced myself to smile and attempt to talk. You see, For me, When I get really insecure (all the time,) I get a snotty look on my face and I speak with a rude snotty tone. Of course I don't mean too! I just get really insecure and while I think/feel like I look innocent with a blush on my face, I really just look rude and snotty. It's upsetting because I'm not like that at all. I just have bad anxiety and instead of looking innocent or anything, I look rude. And to make it worst, I'm like this 24/7 out in public and around close family, but most people don't know I have anxiety. Just my parents, brother, two aunts, cousin, and my cousins friend. Also, my really close friend. I feel bad because I worry that they think I'm snotty or rude, or like they did something to upset me because of the look on my face. Like, the only thing you can do to annoy/upset/worry me is really, basically, put the spot light on me. Even if its just two other people, DON'T PUT THE SPOTLIGHT ON ME!! Its a terrifying feeling.
Everyone is looking at me, waiting for a reply. Of course! I have no clue how to reply, I get anxiety even more, feel as though I'm about to have a mental break down, and get a snotty look on my face. Then, when I finally answer you, I speak barely above a whisper, which then leads to no one hearing what I said, so you have to say it again Louder and my snotty rude look gets even worst and I get some sort of tone that will make ANYBODY think I'm rude or full of myself. Like, Do not put the spotlight on me! Thank you!!
-Nerd