"What is depression like?" He asked.
"It's like drowning, only you can see everyone else around you breathing."
-Unknown
Its painful to feel this way. What way you ask? To feel judged 24/7, to feel like no matter what you do or say, or how you act, you'll embarrass yourself. To feel like your being watched. To feel like breaking down and crying.
To know that in the end, you only have the ones you love. But sometimes, that's not even good enough.
When all you have is your parents and at some points your brother, is really sad.
You then reach the point where you would take fake friends. But even then, you still couldn't. Because you can't control your thoughts when your around people. Because all you feel around anybody, even your only friend that you've known forever, you feel judged.
No matter how much you tell yourself 'they're not important. They don't know me, who cares?' You still can't help but feel small. You can't help but feel judged.
Sometimes you even think, 'This is all there is to life. I'll always feel judged and watched.' Even though you know that there is WAY more to life then just the way you feel at this point in your life.
Anxiety causes depression. I hope you know that. It took me forever to realize why I was depressed until it Finally hit me. I have extreme anxiety. Its not just the fact that you feel like crap when your exposed to the outside world, its all that you miss out on.
"What do you miss out on?" You ask? My answer? Everything. I don't go to public school. I was pulled out in 4th grade because my brother couldn't deal with middle school. I was fine with leaving school even though at the time my anxiety was barely there. It was because school was tourture. And I only had about one friend anyways. I would now be in 7th grade. And what do I miss out on? Dances, Parties, Prom, Homecoming, Making friends. And if I were in school, I would still miss out on all of that, because getting my anxiety was inevitable. I miss out on some of the most important things in some peoples lives. I miss out on all of it.
The one friend that I have, I bail out on even though I've known her since 1st grade. How do You think it feels?
-Nerd
YOU ARE READING
Anxiety
No FicciónThis is about me and my life. It is nonfiction. It is about my anxiety and my emotions. This including depression. I know I can relate to a lot of people, so I decided to write this. All opinions are my own. I end each "chapter" with nerd to go with...
