Still don't know my name

Chapter 3

LINA

SWEET JESUS, what a turn of life I experienced in just 24 hours.

ZEE AND I INTERACTED. ZEE AND I INTERACTED.

I never thought that this day would come. I have always been a shy kid since the start but these stupid feelings make me want to climb the MOUNT EVEREST and claim something at the top of my lungs. I don’t know what it is, since I saw ZEE at the fresher’s party, I have been drawn to her. I asked around the campus ‘who is she?’ Then someone told me that she is a year older, the same GRAD student. I found his socials and stalked her INSTAGRAM. She is so beautiful and a WRITER, she posts her blogs there and I read each of her blogs and wait for the next one to drop so I can peep into the soul and heart with which they write such beautiful pieces.

Their Instagram shows they are BISEXUAL and honestly that felt so good. They are so amazing. I have been struggling with my sexuality, I felt like I was STRAIGHT but now, I don’t know for sure. I know one thing for sure that I AM ATTRACTED TO ZEE. I talked to Jacque about it, and he explained different sexualities to me and I concluded I am a PANSEXUAL. I am emotionally and romantically attracted to a person rather than their gender.

When I see ZEE boarding off the bus, I freeze on my tract. I quickly approach the entry as ZEE is fumbling and soon to be plastered on the Earth face down. I catch her, sweet Jesus. She falls into my arms like a fairy. I want to hold her here forever, but I know better. She may not even like me. Maybe she’ll think I am a creep. I make her stand on her feet and she is blushing. HOLY MOLLY, I think my heart skipped a beat per se, she is blushing while I am holding her.
We walk to her class and talk a bit; she is the same bit fumbling as I am. My heart is racing a marathon in my ribs, and I want to sit at the pavement and crash her down in my laps and cradle her like a goddamn bliss. I message them as soon as I reach home from my session, and gosh tell you what, the moment zee replies, I get butterflies in my little stomach. She is flirting with me, and I gain all the courage in the world and start flirting with her back.

I FLIRTED WITH THEM.

I text them a night text as a sweet bean. Ahhh, I am in trouble. I am flirting like the world is ending. I am calling them ‘honey’ and ‘sweet bean’ like they are my girlfriend but now I can’t stop. We are meeting tomorrow first thing in the morning and I am so nervous. WHAT SHALL I WEAR? WHAT SHALL I SPEAK? GOD!!!!! I even suggest a damn collab shit. I don’t even know how to act in front of them aside from the performance for Pete’s sake.

Keeping everything aside, I shut my lids and wait for the dreams to take over.

“Ahh Zee you are so pretty; I cannot live a single day without you!!” I huff.

“Sweetheart I am gonna rock your world and you will be with me for infinity, I am never leaving you, you hear me? Never ever.” they mumble while buried inside my legs.

Sweet moans escape my lips as I try to catch my breath. My breath is ragged and my body has never been this turned on in forever.

OH, SWEET JESUS I wake up with a sex dream.

I jump off the bed and check the time, it is 4 in the morning and my alarm won’t turn off until 6. I have a good 2 hours spare with me because there is no way I am going to relieve this stress and nervousness using PHYSICAL WORKOUT which has never been my strong pursuit. Duh, I can bake. Best stress reliever.

I gather all my baking ingredients and start mixing to make something, like anything. After half an hour I open the oven and the fresh aroma of home baked muffins fill my nostrils. I am tempted to eat these right now but I wanna share them with someone. SOMEONE SPECIAL. SOMEONE NAMED ZEEL. Huh!!! I take a hot shower so I can proceed with the long but exciting day.
I arrive at the bus stop 15 minutes earlier than the arrival of their bus. And I am anxiously pacing the area. I am dressed in a sunflower summer dress with a denim jacket draped over my shoulders, even though it is SEPTEMBER. I feel like this dress is something I will wear on a date, well this isn’t a date. YET!!!

Zeel arrives with a bunch of other students, but I am so focused on them. They are looking like they came out of a DISNEY movie just to grace me with their presence. With their mom jeans and soft cardigan, they look ASTONISHING. And I feel like I am tongue tied when she comes in front of me with the biggest smile on their face. SWEET JESUS, Lina says something.

“Oh, hi there.” I mumble.

“Hey, lovely Morning, isn’t it?” She interjects.

Their gaze travels to the package I have been carrying with myself and their eyes twinkle with excitement. I offer the package to them and give a small smile.

“These are lemon tart muffins with chocolate fillings, I hope you like desserts!” I speak.

“UH…. muffins, of course, I love desserts. I was just not expecting a dessert.” They tell me with a tint of smile and blush on their cheeks.

I chuckle, clearly thrilled by their reaction. I open the box and hand them a muffin and our fingers brush in a simple innocent manner, but that flair causes a series of emotions and wind whirl in the pit of my stomach. I pick up a muffin for myself and take a small bite while watching ZEEL eat her piece. She takes a bite, closes her eyes and moans Shit, she moans. It’s like watching her getting off. Ahhh, she was observing her taste buds and then opened her eyes and saw me while I was ogling her. I simply drag my gaze to my muffin take another bite and ask:
“SO, how is it?”

“Tell me you cooked it; you DESERVE a fucking MasterChef US trophy for solely baking this piece of manifestation!!” she chuckles while admiring the muffin I made.
This comment makes my heart swell with pride, and I nod curtly.

She grabs my hands and kisses my knuckles swiftly and my body erupts into thousand tiny flames with that innocent kiss.

“Well, thank your beautiful hands for making me these MIND FUCKING BLOWING muffins which I am sure my culinary major best friend BRANDY cannot also nail” she enthusiastically mumbles to my hands.
“Thank you, ZEE, you don’t have to say all that, it’s just okay.” I comment.

“They are not just okay; they are mind BLOGGING wonderful and if I had the chance I would have you to myself so you could cook me a dose of these daily and you would have my loyalty for FOREVER.” She says proudly.

And I am blushing head to toe in crimson red which I thought I have only seen in movies.

I kiss her cheeks in the response, and she freezes in her spot. WOAH, was that intrusive. I thought this is sort of a thank you and greeting combined. SHIT, I am blowing it.

She grabs my hand and drags me across the trail towards the campus garden. We sit on the ground, and she is chatting about the muffin I just made her eat.

I am so enchanted by her delight, I almost forget how to form words. Somehow, I manage to blurt out the sentences, “So how is my favorite singer, even though I haven’t heard you yet, I am so sure you are the BEST!!!”

She is nervous, her eyes are tracing the ground as her fingers pull out the grass trails. It makes me worry. I put my hand on her shoulder and she somehow makes a little eye contact, her eyes telling me so many stories her eyes never dared to show. I quietly whisper, “Are you okay?”

She waves me on and says, “Perfectly all right. You were saying? Oh yes, of course we should have a music session, you free in the afternoon at 5, my roommate or shall I say my best friend is out for some visit in the local restaurants to critique their cuisine of course so can we meet at my place???”

I am taken aback by this sudden request. I stammered at my words but squeezed out, “OH, that actually sounds fun, you can text me your address. I shall be there at 5, and LET THE GAMES BEGIN.”

We stand up suddenly and my brain does not process that well, my legs wobble due to deficiency of some vitamins or something. I thought I would crash myself in my ass but suddenly some heat grabs me by my waist and keeps me afloat and that heat is radiated by ZEEL’s hand on my body which feels like bubbles forming in my body and I might just blow in the ground or melt right in here.

She makes me stand back right up on my feet and I straighten my dress and give her a small but marvelous smile as a THANKYOU and she radiates with an equally marvelous but larger smile.

We walk to her class, the same as yesterday but today it is all different because today there are flames and everything which was not present the other day. I wave her GOODBYE as I walk to my class and repeat the morning in my head and my body is heating with blush and arousal and everything.