Still don't know my name

Chapter 17

LINA

I have never been scared this much, wait I have been, when I lost my mom. That experience is the one I never want to experience ever. That is why I never get close to people, the more people I will love, the more will leave me one day. The minute I got the news, Zee met an accident, I froze. My inner demons working their magic, making me question everything. Seeing Zee limby and so vulnerable in front me, all I wanted to do was tear my heart out and just give it to her, just so she'll be alright. That horrible night, sitting beside Zee while she dozed off. I felt absolute wanker. How can I do something, make everything well again. I have always been the planner and the sorter. Yet I don't know how to plan the way through when she is injured and sort this bloody mess.

When I handed her the painkillers, her old self was there, she was making jokes and all and she got nervous when I stood up and started to leave the room. She doesn't know, I don't wanna leave her for even a second. Yesterday, I denied her and the hell what happened. I will be and give everything she wants. But I needed to leave for few seconds to sort this mess of my thoughts. I cursed myself under my breath.

I reached the door knob, when bran hands grabbed me and froze me on my stance.

"Lina, got a minute?" she asked. I eyed the door and nodded.

"Yeah sure, let's go to the kitchen." She trailed after me.

"Lina, I know it's been hard, but don't place yourself for the accident. It will enable Zee for the past and all the progress she has made will be in vain." Bran spoke.

Ahh yes that's what I have been doing, I know technically it's not my fault but I feel responsible. I nodded stiffly and she saw right through it, she rounds the counter and gave me a quick hug. "I know what you have been thinking and I care about both of you. You know it's not your fault and don't make into one. I always gave Zee a threat and it'll be valid for you too. I will be serving you all the bad dishes my classmates going to make for a month if you will not forgo it." She smiled at the last sentence.

She is such a great friend and I am lucky to have her in my life too. I gave her warm hug and then pulled back and said, "okay, as you Bran, honey." I said mockingly like Zee. She smiled and shrugged.

I reach back to the room and find my beautifully astonishing girlfriend is asleep, a pillow tugged under one leg, left hand, the good hand which isn't bandaged under the pillow which she has under her head, she looks like snuggling ball. I reached there and removed the pillow from under her leg and removed her hand too. I changed into comfortable PJs and lie back on the back and the minute I got there, Zee scoots in and enveloped in a cuddly position and buried her face in my neck and murmuring sweet nothings. I smiled and relaxed a bit. And snuggled deep with her. I quickly drifted back to sleep, feeling 'at home'.

The next two weeks gone by in a snap of the fingers, Zee's head is been better, no more buzzing and dizziness. She can walk without feeling like melting into a puddle. Her hands have healed a quite deal, the big bandage is removed and the narrow and the short one is put there. I still never let her use her right hand, I don't want to rupture the healed limbs, I took her the hospital after the first week and she became grumpy after the visit. The doctor specifically told her put off the use but she is determined that she is fine and should not be held back. The hell I will listen to her with this. I hover around her 24*7.

My love for her is outgrown so much I want to be with her, I want to hold her.

Now her concussion is gone, no headaches, no dizziness. Now she insufferable ass. My insufferable ass. I love her unconditionally. I have written one more song while she was recovering, how well I want her to be and how I prayed for her wellness. I am not going to show her this song, it will be hidden with some of the others while I muse my love together.

It is already May and I am floating on adrenal. Everything is coming together, the shop is renovated and I have a chunk of recipes I have already decided to keep on the menu, Zee is all healed up and already with me on every step of the progress. The opening is on first day of June. It's the starting of the pride month and what a good start of my pride, my love of baking.

My dad will be there on the opening day, the shop looks like a dream, the glass door with retro decoration, the counter with rainbow colour with retro touch, the benches, everything is retro, it is making my little heart so cutesy. I hired a full-time employee Rosie, she is awesome, she makes the world's best coffee. I might be busy baking behind the shop but of course I will be joining the front desk, interacting with customer, hearing them say, whether they like my goods or not. This dream is something I never thought I had, but seeing it get fulfilled making my heart sing with joy.

Oh yes, with singing I remember, my Zee has progressed a great deal, she is been going to therapy and ow her mental strength is back in the most powerful way. She kept on saying, she has something for me, she'll give me on the opening day. Draxx and Sheila will be coming over to support me and Zee. I will never be thankful enough for the people I have in my life right now. Jacque and Bran and their partners also helped in any sense I ever needed. They are the best people I could have ever wanted.

One night, a week before the opening, I was sitting in the living remembering my mom. Zee is in our room practising a song for her exams. She is still bit nervous and I said, "Sweet bean, don't be nervous, if you have any sort of problem just call doc, she'll help you any time." She smiled at my words and nodded enthusiastically. I still worry about her, few months back she had a panic attack due to singing and I don't want anything to happen to her. It'll break me.

"Mom, I know you are probably watching me. I want to know, are you proud of me? I am opening my own business in a week. Can imagine, you chucky bear opening a dang business. But here we are. I just wish, you'd be here to witness all of it. I miss you a lot. Can't you just make a deal with angels or something and come back, I promise I won't let anything ever happen to you again." I was whispering grazing the ceiling. I closed my eyes, few tears escaped my eyes, within few minutes I started crying and I did not stop the bloody tears to stop. It is what it is.

I miss my mom; it is okay to cry. It is okay to sometime sit back and let the worry and the waterworks take over. I don't have to be strong all the time. I am just a child. I heard someone approaching from behind, I did not wipe my tears, I tilt my head, when I spotted Zee, standing in the hallway, I tried to smile but it came out weak and fake. She hurriedly came by my side and dropped on the couch beside me and gave me a side hug. I dopped my head on her shoulder and it felt like for eternity I cried and when I stopped, I looked in her eyes and smiled genuinely this time.

"Are you okay, honey? I thought you'd been gone a long time, so I checked up on you? Why were you crying, is something not well???" she asked worriedly.

"No, sweet bean, everything is content. I just miss my mom a lot. It's like a hole in chest, it's her. She is missing. Gosh, babe, I miss her. I just want her with me, I want her to meet you, how amazing you are, I want her to see we are opening Chucky's." I blurted while sobbing.

"I am sure, wherever your mom is, she watching you with a heart full of love like yours. You are so kind and sweet it makes me want to wrap you in a quilt and tuck you away from the world. I bet your mom was as amazing as you. It beats I did not have a chance to meet you, but the daughter she gave birth to and raised is so amazing, I get the glimpse of the women she was. And what I know of her through you, she wouldn't like seeing you all cooped up her, come on, lets bake something. I mean you should bake; I will watch." I chuckled weakly and stood up. She grabbed my hand trailed us to the kitchen.

"So, what are going to bake, something from the menu or surprise? Oh, wait I want a surprise, I have tried everything from the menu, I need a surprise." She said excitedly.

"As you wish, sweet bean. Hold you braces, I am going to bake you something you haven't tried in your entire life and it blow you dang mind." I teased.

"I am waiting, braces are on hold, sweetheart." She teased back.

I will never get over the fact that this witty, smart and gorgeous is mine. Agh, I feel like I am in fairy tale.