Still don't know my name

Chapter 7

LINA

My legs are sore, my eyes, hands feel like they are eager to fall off and my eyes are closed. I smell lemon and fresh coffee and my eyes snaps open, but I am not in my room. This is Zeel's room. Her vinyl collection on the right side of the wall and she is on the left side of me snuggling me. Oh, I guess I slept over last night. I usually sleep over but yesterday after Carnival it never occurred to me when we came home and passed out. Literally we never sipped an ounce of Alcohol, yet we passed out. We both are not good at cardio thus low-level resistance.

Zeel is tugged at my neck and sniffing me like a puppy, damn she is so cute. I am falling in love with her. Is it cool to declare your love for the girl you've been seeing just a little more than a month. Is it too early??? What if she won't reciprocate???? Or, even worse she will break it off???? Fuck, I need to calm my horses, this anxiety will be welcomed not before I had a cup of coffee and focus on the present. I will declare my love when the moment feels like it. I tipped her chin up with my fingers and kissed her hungrily. I didn't even care I had a bad morning breath; she is even giggling damn who cares now.

"Morning Sweet bean." I said after I broke the kiss to kiss her forehead.

"Morning MI AMOR" she said in Spanish, I am half Puerto Rican half Mexican. But the word meant, 'MY LOVE,' I froze instantly. Damnit, she called me her love.

She is snugging me while dropping trails of kisses on my collarbone. She noticed me still and frozen; she matched my eyes; her green eyes are twinkling with love and Energy a new energy I have never seen before.

"Ahh, so I wanted to tell you something last night after we came home but I don't know I just passed out, you know I was so tired of walking and eating. All that sugar definitely made me weak in my knees. I know this is so fucking early to something and I just realized this yesterday, and it kills me to keep it a secret anymore. I am in love with you CAT. You are fucking amazing person, so hot, so kins, so smart and I guess I am in love with you will be an understatement because I want to sing you a song which I haven't done in the past 4 years. You totally don't have to say it back, it's just I need you to------" she confessed.

I don't care whether I am crying or kissing the hell out of her, but I am somewhere in between, I pulled back and stared deep in those eyes.

"Damn, Zee I am so in love with you, you are most amazing person yourself and have the best music taste in the world. Your fear of rides makes me want to laugh and caress you, I want to dance with you on our song for hours just me and you against the world." After my big speech pulled me to her and kiss the heck of me. Damn Zee, I love you. All my anxiety is flushed down the toilet as I am staring at the woman I love and who loves me back for Pete's sake. I know there is something about Zee and singing, she said she sings but she hasn't sung in front of me, she even never brought the subject, and I haven't either, I don't want to pressure her doing something she don't want to. Whereas I had played some of my originals on guitar and she rewarded me with dozens of kisses.

Now I want to hear them sing, "So, what about that song you owe me??" I asked hesitantly. She immediately burned in a sweet charismatic smile and pulled out a keyboard from under their bed and set it up on top of the bed.

She played those keys with her beautiful fingers and sang the most beautiful song ever, 'HOME' by Edith whiskers. Her toning voice is perfect. She has a voice of pop star. Damn, I fell in love with her once again. I was half awake earlier but now I don't even need coffee to jerk me up. "Wow, honey you are amazing. I said it on the first day, you have a sugary voice, I love your voice, baby." I cheered and kissed her.

"Thank you, I used to sing in the school concerts and other events. I had a band, two guitarist, one pianist and me as a singer. After one accident, we spilt up or we can say I dragged myself out of singing world and they found another vocalist and now they are pretty popular in up North." She trailed.

"What accident, Zee??" I know I am prying but Shit accident I want to know which accident dragged her away from the arena of singing.

"There was this boy in our class who supported us through all our gigs and everything and once at a gig on someone's backyard, I was singing and he was sitting on the front row seats, he started having seizures, I kind of knew about his history not fully but right then, I kind of ignored it and his seizures were bad when the ambulance came by the way time, they took him to the hospital he was dead. Lina that day is engraved in my heart and always pulls me back to ever sing in front of someone. It feels singing is selfish. I ignored my friend who no matter what supported me, and I straight forwardly ignored just to stupidly sing in front of some stupid folks." She had sting of tears in her eyes, damn my eyes are weary and blurring now.

"Oh, no, Zee that was not your fault, everything happens when it happens, even if you have stopped mid performance to check on him, we don't know if he had made it alive after the end of the day. Oh god, you've been beating yourself for past 4 damn years. Gosh, Zee. C'mere." I gave conjured her in a bear hug and gave a squeeze, telling her I am here, I am not going anywhere, and she has to trust herself to open up and not to see singing as an enemy or selfish trait. Damnit, my heart strings.

We stayed there for quite some time. Suddenly my stomach grumbled, I am so hungry, last night's sugar coma wasn't much. I need real food. "Come baby, get up I will make us some pancakes with whipped cream of course, your favourites, now get your ass off that bed or I am gonna spank your ass darling." I teased.

She chuckled and immediately bolted to her feet and laughed so hard, damn, all her worry is gone for now at least.

This is the most amazing morning in a while, I making breakfast, my love sitting in front of me at the kitchen stool and watching my moments. She is ogling me, and I am not a little bit of self-conscious. I am confident making breakfast in front of this certain audience.

"So, you wanna go to my place at Thanksgiving? My dad is so eager to meet you." I questioned.

She has this thoughtful expression on her face, and I am getting anxious.

"I usually go to Philly to celebrate with my family but of course I will go with you if you'll come with me at Christmas." She retorted.

Dad will be alone at Christmas; I should make sure with him. Aunt Roma will come and visit Dad this time.

"Oh okay, I will ask my dad once, otherwise he will be lonely at Christmas and he tend to overthink when he is alone on holidays, about Mom and everything, but I am sure once I'll ask my aunt to visit him, he'll be alright." I replied.

Their forehead is formed in a crease, and I am sure they feel bad for asking me to come. I removed the distance between us and placed a pancake on their plate and made a smiley wink with the whipped cream, bringing a bright smile on their face.

"Sure, you ask your dad and let me know, I will respect your decision, whatever you decide." She spoke.

I nodded and made few more pancakes, and we ate in silence. The day is going smooth, Bran is at her boyfriend's place. Liam is so good to her and seeing Bran happy make Zee happy and seeing Zee happy makes my heart flutter with so many foreign emotions. Jacque and Sophia are also out of town for a gateway party and small vacation. It feels so good seeing my girl and my friends so happy.

We danced to OUR SONG until our feet hurt and then we napped cuddling. Zee snuggles like her life depends on it; she traps me in her arms in a strong hold like I am a second away to fleet. Damn, she doesn't know I am so in deep I won't escape those arms ever.

Zee sung me another song in the evening, 'Love story' by Taylor Swift, she is a biggest swiftie I ever know. She has swiftie merch, vinyl, and every shit I ever known a fandom could get. I am bit jealous because I absolutely adore 1D, it was a boy band which is broken ten years earlier now all the members sing solo. I always wanted a band alike.

"Zee, I know this is still a sore subject, but will you make a GIRLBAND with me, more like a duo of us. You sing, I'll play. A pop genre or anything you like baby, I want to connect with you in a musical way. I have written few songs and I would very much like you to sing them, not to just me but to the universe, I want to show you off, you are so talented." I voiced.

"I assure you Lina, I so very much like to sing to the whole world, but it feels like I am a selfish singer, when I sing, I don't care about other people, you know that right?" She frowned.