Church Boy Gone Bad // Jelena

Chapter 30

Justin's P.O.V.

I couldn't blink. I was afraid to blink. Afraid once I reopened my eyes, everything would had turned out to be nothing but a dream. A few months ago, I could have never predicted what happened last night.

I had sex with Selena Gomez.

As men, we are expected to speak of it as 'hot and sexy'. I will no longer force myself into society's standards. I am now a man. Don't get me wrong, it was hot and sexy. But at the same time, it was magical. It was clearly something I had never experienced before. Still, I thought I had gained enough knowledge from Demi.

I don't blame her. I, myself, cannot put what I felt into words. I. . . I think I made love with Selena.

I think I love her.

Think.

Who am I to say I know I love her, when I don't even know what love is. What is love? I know it's a feeling. A feeling you get all over; heart, body, mind and soul. The thing is I don't think I feel that completely. Maybe I shouldn't think at all.

One thing is certain : this was a one time thing. The first and last.

It was late, maybe 2 AM. She clung onto my sweaty body for a short period of time. I held her as well. As a matter of fact, I remember thinking, I didn't ever want to let her go. Moments later, she pulled out of our embrace.

She began to cry. . . And in that moment, I knew she had regretted what we've done. But I didn't. The feelings I had in that moment, overwhelmed all and every one of my morals. Anything I did with her was okay. With only her.

As I tried to comfort her, hug her, she only pushed me away.

"Don't touch me," she had cried.

And I did as she wanted. I'd do anything she wanted. If she wanted me to leave her room, i'd do it. But what she asked of me next was almost unbearable.

"We can never make any c-contact again," she said, sniffing. "W-we'll only speak when we're forced too. Other than that, we don't speak to each other. Just completely cut off from each other."

But like I said, i'd do anything she'd ask of me.

So I agreed, "Okay."

I expected her to ask me to leave but she didn't. Instead, she stood up and got dressed.

"I'm going to Demi's house."

"It's 2 AM," I whispered.

"Tell your mom, I left early for school." and with that said, she left.

I barely got any sleep. I couldn't stop thinking.

"Justin, honey, you need to get up!" My mom shouted through my door.

I turned to my clock. It read 6:25 AM. I'm on house arrest. I'm not allowed to go anywhere. Why is she trying to get me out of bed so early?

"I'm up, I'm up."

"Justin, where on earth is Selena?!"

I sigh, and crawl out of bed.

•

"What do you mean she slept over at Demi's house? She did not ask for permission," my mom scowled.

"She never asks for permission, if you haven't noticed." I remind her, as I grab an apple and begin to eat it.

"Justin," she scolded, "You're going to spoil your breakfast. Sit and eat will you."

"I'm not hungry," I tell her, continuing to eat my apple. "Thanks anyways."