Sempiternal: •D.E.A(live).D• || BOOK 4#

21. Singing angel, mortal's sorrow

Yoongi turns in bed, finding Jungkook asleep on the floor right next to him, tucked into his infallible Iron Man sleeping bag. Also in the room are Songie, Paengie and Holly, who refuses to get off Yoongi's lap. Too long not seeing him and now that he does, he feels him so sad.

The pain in his body is still there, as unbearable as usual. The only reason he doesn't externalize it, is that Jungkook is present and he doesn't want to see him crying the way he did a few days ago. It was too much of a shock and somehow, it helps him keep his composure. Even a little bit.

Jungkook takes a while to wake up and when he does, he looks over at Yoongi, checking that he's relatively okay and not having another nervous breakdown. He gets up still tucked in his sleeping bag and hops over to lie down by the door.

"Bathroom?"

"Hungry..."

"Just open the door like a normal person."

"Sleepy." grumbles Jungkook slapping his cheek against the wall. It's padded anyway. Yoongi doesn't stop himself from laughing, what a fool he is just got up.

~ * * * ~

"They're pretty songs."

"You think my pain is pretty."

"Once Jimin told me that artists die twice. One of them, is when they stop creating..... Though I think he said it about dancers" he scoffs lightly, reading the many notebooks Yoongi erratically filled. "Any that make you feel especially direct right now?"

Yoongi rummages through the notebook and hands it to Jungkook on the page. The younger boy takes a moment vocalizing, imagining the instruments Yoongi wrote in the corner, trying to follow the notated directions.

It's a feeling growing old with time
Like a restless in the leaves calming down
The world is a hole and we all seem to fall
Down under

"It was strange," Yoongi comments quietly. "Because when Jin sang some of them to me, it made me feel so much better..."

And the universe is growing tall
And we are caving into dreams of the Space
Unfolding our arms cannot do any harm
Violent contractions

"I think somehow it distracted me enough" Yoongi murmurs as Jungkook sings softly. "It was... going back to a safe space where I've always gone happily." he muses looking up at the ceiling.

And if there is a God, would we even know his name?
And if there is a God, I think he would shake his head
And turn away

Yoongi closes his eyes and sighs deeply.

So belong to us all
Be God in the shape of a boy
Who walks this World
And I beg, I beg to be drained
From the pain I have soaked myself in
So I can stay
Okay, and more than okay for a while
For a while, for a while

"All the time, all I do is feel like there are teeth ripping my flesh, every part of my skin, of my being and as if somehow, they took my soul with them. They swallowed it..."

Infections of a different kind
The world has been attacked by our pain
If I am the world then why would I hurt
All that is living?

"I wonder if I'm really alive or just slowly dying."

And if there is a God, would he then believe in us?
And if there is a God, I think he can't hear all of us

Yoongi ends up asleep, so deep and so comfortable that he's left with his mouth open. Holly sniffs at him and Jungkook wrinkles his nose, deciding to continue reciting what's in the notebook. Yoongi is such a musical person, who planned to devote his life to it, that not having it is also killing him. It activates a huge level of happiness and relief within him.