Reckless

Chapter 15 Part 3

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Character POV: Roxanne

I smell the smoke of the fire, feel it singeing my leg as I cry out, tears blurring my vision. Standing before me are all of the men who have tried to kill me for being a witch instead of just the first one, their black robes blending into the darkness of night. Their eyes are lit up from the flames that surround me on all sides, making them appear like their eyes are from some hellscape. "Please," I beg, my voice rough from the smoke, "I am still a living being. I still have the ability to feel pain. Please, doesn't you religion counsel love, forgiveness, and kindness? If you must kill me, there are a million kinder ways!" I break off into a coughing fit as the smoke chokes me and I continue to cry and scream as the flames spread higher.

"We will purify your wicked soul through fire. You are a sinner, an evil witch, a concubine of the devil, and we will set you to rights," they chant in unison as they back away from me slowly, intent on leaving me strapped to the pyre. I thrash and pull against my bonds, but they are like a vice and they will not release me.

I jolt awake, screaming into the darkness of the bedroom, my heart thundering in my chest, my body covered in a thick layer of sticky, salty sweat. My hair is damp from the sweat as I push it away from my face and slowly pull back the blanket, rolling up my night gown to look at my leg. The flesh is still ruined, marred beyond fixing, but it is healed. I run my hands over my leg in disbelief, and still find that there are no new wounds. It was a dream. It was all in my head.

"Elizabeth," Ariadne calls to me from the other side of the bed, careful to use the new name I have chosen and be respectful. I feel her hand reach out to clasp mine as she says again, "Elizabeth, calm down. . ." But I can't. My mind is racing too fast for me to calm down, too many memories clamoring for my attention, demanding to be let back in so that they can wreak me like they do in my dreams.

I shoot out of the bed and start pulling at the floorboards where I've stashed some extra laudanum and alcohol, out of the prying eyes of Ariadne or Zebulun who has taken rooms not too far away from my own where he can keep a watchful eye on his leader. I pull the board free and hear the groan of the wood before the nail releases, and I toss it aside. I reach into the darkness, scrounging around in the dark. When I feel nothing greet me, I start to panic even more. I lean more into the hole and pat the floor, the sides, the top even over and over in a circular pattern, going back over what I've done with increasing speed as my eyes begin to burn with tears and my breathing starts becoming so rapid that I feel like I am getting absolutely no air into my lungs.

In the distance, as if it is a thousand miles away, I hear the clap of bare feet on wood floor, the creak and groan of the boards as weight is put on them. Distantly, I feel a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back as my entire body begins to shake uncontrollably. The image of my leg encased in the orange and reds of flames keeps flashing in my head as my entire body locks up and I feel like I can't even move. A slow, strangled cry bubbles up inside of me as I put my hands in front of my face and begin to rock back and forth, shaking my head as if that will make it stop.

Ariadne wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her, running a hand over my hair and down my back over and over in an effort to calm me as she whispers, "They're dead. I personally drained them of every drop of blood they had, and when I missed one, Zebulun got him. They are nothing but flesh and bones in some unmarked grave in the middle of the woods. No one will remember their names, no one will remember them. You will live forever, you won. People will remember you; they already remember you."

Her words break through some of the panic and give me something to chant: they're dead, I'm alive, it's over. I repeat the three lines back to myself over and over, but I still feel like I'm teetering on the edge, about to fall over into pure panic. I push away from Ariadne, and she releases me without a word as I reach back into the hole and scrounge around for anything I can find as I hiss at her, "I need something. I just need something to quiet it a little, to make it stop." When I keep looking around and come up empty, I sit up and turn towards Ariadne, to where she's giving me a guarded look and frowning slightly. I put my hands together and beg, "Please, Ariadne, please give me my medicine."

"It's not medicine any more than those men were men of faith. It is designed to get you hooked, to make you keep coming back, to keep needing supposed 'doctors'. It will push everything for a short amount of time, but then it will all come rushing back, sometimes even worse than it was to start with." I shake my head, looking away from her as anger rushes through me as hot as a poker fresh from the forge. "Look at me," Ariadne continues, reaching out with a hand and gently steering my face back to hers as more tears slide down my cheeks, hopeless ones this time instead of fearful ones. She scans my face as she says, "You are not alone. And, if it'll make you feel any better, we can go hunting more of those men." She smiles wickedly at me as she continues, "It is night time. I can come out to play now."

For a moment I think of brushing her off, pushing her away, and going out into the night to get anything that will dull my senses and push my woes so far away from my conscious mind that nothing will bring them back to the surface. But then, her words begin to take on a new promise. Somewhere out there are more women like me, who don't conform to the strict social norms, but at their core aren't bad people. Until that man had me strapped to the pyre, I had never killed a human being before. I'd only killed vampires I'd found who had killed innocent people and were on a killing spree. I'd killed to protect myself and others before, and this time is no different. If I can pull myself out of this fear stupor, I can save some more women from ever having to experience what I experienced. I can stop them from having these nightmares and turning to anything and anyone who will give them a small sliver of reprieve from the past.

I drag my eyes back to Ariadne, to see where she's smiling devilishly at me, her eyes having switched to red as she contemplates the quantity of blood she might have access to by the end of today. Still, even though I know she won't be kind or gentle to them, I smile. I nod and say, "Let us go and make those people feel a taste of the terror they have inflicted and continue to inflict on innocent people." She pumps her fist in the air in victory and climbs to her feet, reaching back down to me to help me rise. I wave her off and grab onto the post of the bed, using it to haul myself to my feet. She hurries off to get dressed as I head off to do the same, my heart rate gradually returning to normal. Without Ariadne here to remind me of my purpose, I would have turned back to medicating my woes away, my senses away, my abilities, medicating me away. A flicker of gratitude springs to life inside of me as I think about her.