Gap Year

Chapter 10

Until now it felt weird being in the same car with Yoongi and the silence was killing me please make this ride go fast let me reach my apartment asap. After being in Jungkooks arms and playing around he came back to me he was tired and cuddle into my arms I took the blanket and wrapped it around him and after 5 minutes he fell asleep. Namjoon was he first person who broke this awkward silence.

Namjoon: And Seidy how have you been doing?
Me: I've been alright so far a little busy but its whatever. What about you guys? How have you been doing? I mean I always see you on TV doing your thing I'm really proud of you guys.
Namjoon: So far so good its amazing meeting the fans, making the music we love and even though it can be tiring from time to time it's still worth it.
Jhope: He's right its really worth it. And you, you have a child that's amazing. His name is Haneul?
Me: Yeah crazy right I mean you know and yes his name is Haneul it means Sky or heaven.
Tae: No not that crazy. How old is he and does that mean you are married?
Me: He is 4 year old and no not married yet at least.
Manager: I didn't know you knew the boy Miss Seidy.
Jin: Yes we met Seidy back when we just started out she was in college you were 18 right?
Me: Yes that was ca. 5 years ago.
Jimin: Wow it's been a while. It's really good to see you again Seidy.
Me: Yeah likewise really.

After that small talk we had the drive told us that we had reached my place I stood up with Haneul in my arms and got out of the car after I stepped outside we said our goodbyes and I walked into my building to my apartment.
There I woke Haneul up one last time, gave him a shower brushed his teeth changed him into his PJs and then took him to bed.
Once I had done that I went to the bathroom and got in to the shower I stood under the shower head and just let the water fall onto my face, thinking maybe if I stay here long enough it would erase everything this moment forget everything.
But no the longer I was standing there the longer I was thinking about about the past the longer I was thinking about him, everything we went through every little detail about him that I knew about and others didn't. It felt like I was slowly loosing my sanity because of him, I'm tired of losing myself everyday just because I couldn't stop loving him. And even though I always tell myself that I am over him I know deep down I'm not and deep down I never will and that is what is killing me.
Seeing Haneul the light of my life the only person in this life that reminds me of him is the most beautiful thing in my life and I know I will never regret the decision I made and yes maybe I should have fought, fought for me, for him, for us but I was a coward and I was scared.
After I stood in the shower for a long while I took a shower wore my PJs and them made myself a salad and sat in the living room watching some nonsense shows to get my head out the dark place it was.

>Yoongi POV<
She was gone again not like the first when I broke up with her but still I saw her walk away from me again something that still scares me.
When I broke up with her 5 years ago it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and still is.
She was my everything my safe place, my person she was always there no matter what was going on she was there and I let her go.
I sat down at my couch when I reached home, I was so happy when I saw her today she was as beautiful as ever and her smile, that smile of hers that alway made me light up that made the worst day turn into the most beautiful day ever.
I remembered everything her smile, her laughter, her little dance she would every time something good happened her sulking and pouting her lips when things didn't her way or didn't work out properly even her teary eyes that always made my heart shake and the last time I saw those teary eyes it was because of me I was the reason and that day really broke my heart entirely.
I wished it hadn't ended the way it did but now it's too late and she was happy now no reason for me to wreck up her life all over again.
She has a child and is probably very happy with the person she is right now and there is no way she would forgive me for what I did to her.
After sitting on the couch for a while I stood up took a shower and went to bed, still having Seidy only mind.

-The Next Day-
I woke up very early still not forgetting about yesterday and went to meet the boys in the studio, we worked on a Song we thought about releasing and after hours working we decided to take a break and get food. Once the food arrive we sat down and started eating and talking, when Jimin asked a question that I also thought about but never out loud.

Jimin: Jk how did you actually know Seidy's son like that he seemed to be very comfortable with you?
Tae: Yeah right I also wanted to ask you but I totally forgot about that.

We all looked at him waiting for an answer he looked like he didn't know what to say, as if he was contemplating telling the truth or just make something up.

Jk: Oh Haneul yeah I met Seidy a while ago and we just stayed in contact that why I know him so well.

After he said that he gave me a mean that look that lasted a millisecond leaving me confused trying to figure out what that look meant and so I just tried to brush it off.
After we were done eating we worked some more and the left for home, there I made myself something small to eat and sat down in my living room watching but somehow I couldn't concentrate I was still thinking about what Jungkook said the look he gave me.
I was thinking about it for so long that I just decided to go to bed but even then I couldn't stop thinking about it and so I decided to text Jungkook to meet me tomorrow morning in the studio and after that I just fell into an uncomfortable sleep.