welcome ! all these quotes in this book are taken from various other social medias (tumblr, twitter, etc.)
with that being said, enjoy :]
☆
Mirage : Petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Octane : Wednesay
Mirage : Not what i had in mind, but i'm flexible
☆
Pathfinder : Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!
Bangalore : Please, just say fuck.
☆
Ballistic : You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.
Fuse : Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.
☆
Wraith : Damn, the power went out.
Mirage : Don't worry, I got this.
Mirage : *stomps foot*
Wraith : What-?
Mirage : *Sketchers light up*
☆
Crypto : *seductively takes off glasses*
Crypto : Wow...
Wattson : *blushes* Haha... what?
Crypto : You're really fucking blurry.
☆
Vantage : Isn't it weird that people kill mosquitoes just because they're annoying?
Fuse : Damn, if people did that to each other, Mags would've killed me years ago.
☆
Lifeline : All in all, a 100% successful trip.
Gibraltar : But we lost Fuse.
Lifeline : All in all, a 100% successful trip!
☆
Vantage : They... well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?
Mirage : Um, murder???
Pathfinder : Adventuring!
Revenant : Tuesday.
☆
Mirage : Hey Octane.
Octane : *punches Mirage in the stomach*
Mirage : What the fuck??
Octane : You are one of my very best friends. And I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this. You're too young....YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL!
Mirage : What the fuck are you talking about?
Octane : I'm talking about the baby that's growing inside of your belly right now.
Mirage : I'm not pregnant!
Octane : Well, not after that punch you're not. I've been taking muay thai classes.
Mirage : I was never pregnant, Octane!
Octane : Are... you sure?
Mirage : Yes I'm fucking sure!
Rampart : why the fuck is everybody yelling over here?
Octane : Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and—
Rampart : *punches Mirage in the stomach*
Mirage : AW, MOTHERFU--
☆
Seer : We need a way to lure in new customers?
Wattson : Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!
Fuse : Lifeline bath water.
Lifeline : ABSOLUTELY NOT!
☆
Catalyst : Where the devil is Seer?
Wattson : Well, it is raining outside... Maybe they melted?
Fuse : Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?
☆
Newcastle : You know, i'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works
Octane, drinking toast : Why do you say that?
☆
Horizon, driving Pathfinder and Crypto : So, how was your day?
Pathfinder : We almost got surprised adopted!
Horizon : What?
Crypto : We almost got kidnapped.
Horizon : Oh, okay
Horizon : *slams on the brakes* WAIT WHAT!?
☆
Store Worker, on intercom : Would Miss Renee please come to the front desk?
Wraith, arriving at the desk : Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker : *pointing at Wattson and Mirage*
Store Worker : I believe they belong to you?
Wattson and Mirage, simultaneously : we got lost :(
Wraith : I didn't even bring you guys here with me-
☆
Bangalore : I know you snuck out last night, Pathfinder
Valkyrie : Play dumb!
Pathfinder : Who's Pathfinder?
Valkyrie : NOT THAT DUMB!!
☆
Mirage : You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Octane : Oh yeah? you're the idiot who thinks they can get away with everything they do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Mirage : I'm leaving you, and I'M TAKING AJAY WITH ME
Fuse, picking up the monopoly board : I think we're gonna stop playing now.
☆
Gibraltar : Isn't weird how we pay money to see other people?
Vantage : Plane tickets?
Wraith : Concert tickets?
Fuse : Prostitution?
Gibraltar , holding their broken frames : Glasses.
☆
Revenant : God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.
☆
Loba : Valk, you were so wasted last night.
Valkyrie : I wasn't that drunk!
Loba : ...You called a taxi home.
Valkyrie : Yeah! It's called being responsible!
Loba : The party was at your house.
Valkyrie :
☆
Wattson : That's the longest worm I've ever seen!
Caustic : That's a snake.
☆
word count : 643
YOU ARE READING
(in)correct apex legends
HumorCOVER ART BY @t0astedrats on twt lifeline mains wya (also love for my catalyst, & rampart mains out there mwah) DISCLAIMER ‼️ ↳ ships are included (personally, i don't ship, but i find some duos funnier than others) ↳ incorrect grammar ↳ swearing an...
