☆
Wattson : I am strong! I beat Mirage at arm wrestling!
Horizon : Anyone can beat Mirage at arm wrestling!
Mirage : Hey-
☆
Ash : I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in this house with a bunch of morons.
☆
Bangalore : Valk! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.
Valkyrie : *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.
☆
Octane, reading a recipe : Beat three eggs?
Mirage : It means like in hand-to-hand combat.
Octane : Ohhhh-
Wattson : Both of you get out of this kitchen.
☆
Gibraltar : Fuse got into a fight.
Bloodhound : That's bad.
Bloodhound :
Bloodhound : Did they win?
☆
Wattson : Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!
Bangalore : Nat, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.
Wattson : It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!
Lifeline : ...It was a bug.
Wattson : It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!
Bangalore : ...
Lifeline : ...
Wattson : Stop looking at me like that!
☆
Fuse : Seer has no idea I'm high.
Seer : You're high?
Fuse : Oh, I'm sorry.
Fuse, leaning over to Crypto : Seer has no idea I'm high.
☆
Mirage, in a high voice, holding Barbie : Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Octane, in a deep voice, holding Ken : Nonsense, Barbie. You're staying home and having my kids.
Lifeline : What the fuck are you guys doing?
Mirage : Playing systemic oppression.
☆
*Legends responding to being stabbed by a sword*
Rampart : Rude.
Bangalore : That's fair.
Fuse : Not again.
Valkyrie : Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?
☆
Loba : Kyrie... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Valkyrie : Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Loba :
Loba : I wrote sanitize, Kairi.
☆
Mirage : Hey, can I get a sip of that water?
Wraith : It's not water.
Mirage : Vodka! I like your sty-
Wraith : It's vinegar.
Mirage : ...What?
Wraith : It's vinegar, PUSSY.
☆
Seer : How do Wattson and Octane usually get out of these messes?
Crypto : They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.
☆
Rampart : Where are my fucking keys?
Horizon : Ramya, Wattson is around, can you say it a little nicer?
Rampart : May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!
☆
Vantage : If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.
Wraith, deadpan : Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.
☆
Mirage : Oh man, you have any shaving cream?
Octane : No, I don't like the way that it tastes.
Mirage : Wait... you eat shaving cream?
Octane : No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste.
☆
Pathfinder : I'm going the fight the next person who insults Crypto.
Crypto : I hate myself.
Pathfinder : Alright friend, square up.
☆
Catalyst : You read my diary?
Seer : At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
☆
Fuse : Hey, you want a tarot card reading?
Lifeline : Those are pokémon cards.
Fuse : You got magikarp.
Lifeline :
Fuse : It means 'fuck you'.
☆
Valkyrie : Tell Revenant off, MRVN! Assert yourself!
Pathfinder : That's my ice cream!
Valkyrie : Good! Now let them have it!!
Pathfinder, handing Revenant the ice cream : Here, you can have it!
☆
Wattson : What is love?
Bangalore : An emotional minefield.
Caustic : A neurochemical reaction.
Mirage : Baby don't hurt me.
☆
word count : 588
YOU ARE READING
(in)correct apex legends
HumorCOVER ART BY @t0astedrats on twt lifeline mains wya (also love for my catalyst, & rampart mains out there mwah) DISCLAIMER ‼️ ↳ ships are included (personally, i don't ship, but i find some duos funnier than others) ↳ incorrect grammar ↳ swearing an...
