☆
Octane : Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Wattson : The cow??
Octane : What?
Lifeline : Wattson, W H Y?
☆
Mirage, in the hospital : Will you visit me when I get out?
Vantage : Lol nah, I hate graveyards.
☆
Valkyrie : Hold on! I'm having one of those things... a headache with pictures.
Crypto : What the fuck?
Seer : They're having an idea.
☆
Wattson : Let's watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl!
Wraith : Okay.
Wattson : And make out during the scary parts!
Wraith : Th-
Wraith : The scary parts.
Wraith : Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
☆
Ash : Fuse ain't the problem this year.
Mad Maggie : When are you gonna get it? Fuse is ALWAYS the problem.
☆
*In the group-chat*
Octane : If you post ur password in the messenger, it will block it
Octane : Look
Octane : ********
Wattson : ******* lol
Bloodhound : creampieguy69
Bloodhound has left the chatroom.
☆
Lifeline : I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something.
Octane : *laughs* Book recommendation? I can't read!
☆
Mirage : Wow, I really think I would've gotten along with young Crypto!
Crypto : I know. That's why I decided to change everything about my life.
☆
Horizon : Valkyrie, you'll be working with Loba and Wraith.
Valkyrie : Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Everyone else : *blank stares*
Valkyrie : ...Of people on a team.
☆
Mirage : She's the girl of my dreams!
Wraith : You say every girl is the girl of your dreams.
Mirage : I have a lot of dreams.
☆
*Lifeline is crying after a breakup*
Pathfinder : There there, Ajay.
Lifeline, still crying : Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
Pathfinder : Great question—
☆
Fuse : It's nice to be wanted, you know?
Horizon : Not by the law!
☆
Loba : Where have you been all day?
Valkyrie : Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
☆
Octane, texting Lifeline : *sends a voice message*
Lifeline, texting back : I'm a little busy, is it urgent?
Octane : No, don't worry, just listen later.
*later*
Lifeline : *presses play*
Octane's voice message : THERE'S A FIRE-
☆
Wraith, about Crypto : Mirage, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!
Mirage : Some of those stabbings were accidental!
Wraith :
Mirage : Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.
☆
Catalyst : Last week, Valkyrie tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".
☆
Octane : I type how I think.
Ballistic : Odd that you type at all then.
☆
Horizon : What do you call disobeying the law?
Certain Legends : A hobby.
Horizon : *crosses their arms*
Certain Legends : That we do not engage in.
☆
Valkyrie : HELP! I TOLD LOBA I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!
Fuse, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag : And you thought I could help?
☆
Wattson : Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?
Catalyst : Why?
Crypto : Octane fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.
Wattson : Lifeline doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"
☆
word count : 490
YOU ARE READING
(in)correct apex legends
HumorCOVER ART BY @t0astedrats on twt lifeline mains wya (also love for my catalyst, & rampart mains out there mwah) DISCLAIMER ‼️ ↳ ships are included (personally, i don't ship, but i find some duos funnier than others) ↳ incorrect grammar ↳ swearing an...
