☆
Wattson : Oooh, a train!
Bangalore : We're in a train station, Wattson.
☆
Octane : You're my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Lifeline : I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Octane : Absolutely not.
☆
Vantage : Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food?
Catalyst : ...What???
☆
Crypto : There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.
Bangalore : ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
☆
Gibraltar : What are your three best qualities?
Mirage : I'm hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.
☆
Bangalore : So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....
Newcastle : ....
Rampart : .....
Seer : ......
Bloodhound : ..Who?
Bangalore : That's the thing we don't-
*Everyone stares at Bloodhound*
☆
Wraith : Well Mirage, I have to say, I'm really disappointed.
Mirage : Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.
☆
Wattson : H-how do you ask someone out?
Valkyrie : Well, first-
Loba : Don't ask them, they asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.
Wattson : ...And you said yes?
☆
Mirage : So what, now I'm just supposed to do everything that Crypto does? What if they jump off a cliff?
Lifeline : If Crypto were to jump off a cliff, they would have done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Crypto jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Mirage : You jump off a cliff.
Lifeline : Gladly, provided Crypto did first.
☆
Octane : If you water water, it grows.
Caustic : ...What.
Bloodhound : They've got a point.
☆
Vantage : You can take away my rights, but can you take away my lefts?
☆
Mirage : You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?
Crypto : Making four accounts.
Mirage, tearing up : Really...?
☆
Horizon : Life could be worse, Fuse.
Fuse : Life could be a lot better too!
☆
Mirage, singing : I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—
Revenant : A family.
Rampart : A better love life.
Ash : Mental stability.
Pathfinder : *clueless* Bagels?
☆
Wraith : Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Wattson meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.
☆
Pathfinder : Ballistic, my old friend!
Ballistic : You tried to kill me at some point.
Pathfinder : That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.
☆
Valkyrie : Loba, I am nothing if not a woman of principle.
Valkyrie : Now let's break into this apartment.
☆
Mirage : The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.
☆
Lifeline : *Turns on the kitchen light*
Octane : *Sitting at the table, eating bread*
Lifeline : It's four in the morning.
Octane : Turn the light back off.
☆
Mirage : I think we should kiss.
Crypto : And I think you should die but we don't always get what we want.
☆
word count : 553
YOU ARE READING
(in)correct apex legends
HumorCOVER ART BY @t0astedrats on twt lifeline mains wya (also love for my catalyst, & rampart mains out there mwah) DISCLAIMER ‼️ ↳ ships are included (personally, i don't ship, but i find some duos funnier than others) ↳ incorrect grammar ↳ swearing an...
