☆
Wattson : Anybody got any crayons so I can color in my PhD?
☆
Rampart : I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Bloodhound : Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.
*Fuse walks in*
Bloodhound: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know.
☆
Loba, confused and exasperated : Valk, how do you plan on telling a bear to go vegan?
Valkyrie : Politely.
☆
Newcastle : Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?
Horizon, watching Octane screaming, Crypto trying to set a sleeping Mirage on fire, and Wattson choking on air : I don't know either.
☆
Wraith : All snacks are gone.
Mirage : I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE?!
☆
Valkyrie : Hey, what's your Netflix password?
Revenant : ihopeyoudie
Valkyrie : Thank you!
☆
Seer : Yesterday, I overheard Wattson saying "Are you sure this is a good idea?" and Octane replying "Trust me," and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.
☆
Wattson, peeling a banana : May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Ash : Do you think other people can't hear you?
☆
Mirage : I've been here in jail so long I think I've lost my mind.
Mirage : The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Mirage : How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Lifeline : This is Monopoly.
☆
Crypto : Hi, I'm Mirage's emergency contact.
Counter Woman : You're here to pick them up?
Crypto : I'm here to remove myself as their emergency contact.
☆
Wattson : *eating a cinnamon roll*
Bangalore : Cannibalism.
Wattson : *confused chewing noises*
☆
Mirage : I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Catalyst : In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Mirage : I don't know, surprise me!
☆
Lifeline : The joy of hanging out with Octane. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and they bite the tip of a marker off.
☆
Loba : You don't think I can fight because of my gender!
Mirage : I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Fuse can fight in that dress either.
Fuse : Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.
☆
Horizon : Don't stay up all night, Octane. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.
☆
Lifeline : Why are you like this??
Crypto : I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.
☆
Catalyst : Ew. What kind of tea is this?
Seer : I boiled gatorade.
☆
Mirage : Any tips on how to make someone like me?
Crypto : Try to make them laugh all the time.
Mirage : Oh, wow! You actually help me for once, and it's even good advice!
Crypto : Yeah, the more they laugh, the more time they spend with their eyes closed, so it'd be easier.
☆
Wattson : An Apple a day keeps the Doctor away!
Fuse : An Apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
☆
Octane : So I got this amazing plan!
Lifeline : We fail almost every time you say that.
Octane : Well this is the same! But with a hamster involved.
☆
word count : 522
YOU ARE READING
(in)correct apex legends
HumorCOVER ART BY @t0astedrats on twt lifeline mains wya (also love for my catalyst, & rampart mains out there mwah) DISCLAIMER ‼️ ↳ ships are included (personally, i don't ship, but i find some duos funnier than others) ↳ incorrect grammar ↳ swearing an...
