𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐨𝐧

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢-𝚜𝚒𝚡

It wasn't so terrible having Charlie around. After he brushed his teeth, he sat on my bed with me. "You have a nice room." He said as he looked around. It was nice, but it was messy. Though I wasn't living at home anymore, the past was still present. My clothes were on the floor, posters of celebrities were hung up, and some pictures from various national parks lined the wall above my bed. It was nice because it felt like home. 

"Thanks." The air between us had become a bit awkward. We were alone with one another. The silence was a beautiful melody that enveloped us in her warm embrace. I glanced to Charlie, his features soft under the yellow lighting. "You holdin' up alright?" He moved his tired head toward me, smiling.

"Yeah," He paused, watching me with that open gaze of his---like I could do no wrong. "You worry too much." A pure tone spilled out from him, one that I have heard but only when we were alone. I didn't respond, causing him to think he said something wrong. I stood up, digging through my backpack. "What? What did I do?"

"Nothing." I laughed, setting my journal in his lap. "You worry too much." I leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. "Open to where I put the bookmark." 

"Okay..." He looked to the journal, confusion written on his face. The pages of my journal had turned soft from use, easily ripping at just the slightest of tugs. Charlie was careful, gently opening to the scarlet bookmark that lay within its walls. His face remained that same puzzled expression until he read what I wanted him to see. He traced Neil's name with his fingers, his brow relaxing into its natural position, and his eyes opening wider. He didn't speak, only stared at the writing of his best friend. Then, unexpectedly, he let out a laugh. "Of course he wrote in your book." He glanced to me, a nostalgic smile creeping onto his face. "God, he was always so excited for our stupid meetings. He probably was in a hurry to write down his thoughts." I watched as Charlie's eyes filled with tears---tears that expressed years of friendship lost to tragedy. They expressed the 'what could've been'.

"You can have it." I replied, having no more use for the journal. I had filled out every single inch of that thing with my thoughts and poems. Charlie already knew me in and out. I knew if he read what I wrote, he wouldn't judge me. Plus, Neil was far more important than my selfish what-ifs. "I don't mind."

Charlie didn't let go of the book. His body language read that he needed it. "No. He wrote it for you." His eyes wouldn't let go of journal either, scanning every drip of ink on the page. "You keep it, doll." Finally, he took his eyes off of it, and they landed onto me.  A restrained flicker of pain spread across his mind, and I could feel the heaviness between us. I glanced down at the book in his hand. It was outstretched back to me. I wanted to keep it because that was the only thing I had of Neil. Though, that could very well be the only thing Charlie had left of Neil. I shook my head, pushing it back into his hands. "Y/n..."

"Please. I want you to have it." I repeated myself, suffocating my tears that I felt burning in my eyes. He set the journal down next to him on the bed. He then moved a strand of my hair out of my face, putting in gingerly behind my ear. I didn't move. I didn't dare even breathe. I could feel my fear collapsing in on itself. I felt safe with Charlie. Alone in my room, the cold outdoors gently fogged up the window to where we could only see street lights. He watched me, his eyes moving from my lips back to my eyes.

His voice came out as a whisper, a step away from inaudible. "You're sweet." He smiled as he leaned in to kiss me. Careful. Gentle. Sincere. Right then and there we were the only two people in the world. I didn't have to worry about grades, what my parents thought of me, mending thing things with Rhonda... it was just Charlie. Him and him only. He pulled away from our kiss, that smile back on his face. I had never seen him so romantic. "Thank you."

"Yeah." I replied with a laugh, knowing how stupid I sounded due to his actions. He made me melt, and he knew it. He laughed, too, leaning in for another kiss. I leaned into him deeper. He caught me, putting a hand around my waist. 

We were quickly interrupted out of our little moment due to a knock at my bedroom door. Charlie seemed startled, and he quickly found a spot to hide. Of course, it was my closet. How cliché. 

"The door's unlocked!" I informed whichever parent was at the door when I saw that Charlie was secure in his hideout. It was my mother.

She walked in quietly and quickly. "Darling, we barely got to catch up..." She said, referring to my sudden absence when Rhonda and I had gotten home. "How's Yale?"

"Fine." I replied, my face turning red. She was so close to catching me and Dalton. Her breath stopped a moment, lips pursed. Her silent disappointment was suffocating. "It's difficult, but good." I quickly added, dreading to be on her bad side.

"I called the school." She said. My once blushing face turned white. "Your biology professors seem to not know who you are?" I let out a nervous laugh.

"Werid." I replied, knowing I was caught in a lie. I needed to talk myself out of it. "There's a bunch of students in my classes, that's probably why."

"I figured." She stopped talking, and I hoped that was the end of it. "You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

I stared at her in disbelief, my whole future of becoming a writer burning up like a page to flame. "No.. of course not!" My voice came out louder than I intended it to.

Her face grew stern. "They checked the role, y/n. You're not in their classes." My body tensed up at her words. I heard some hangers clanging together in my closet, and I remembered that Charlie was in the room with us. For a brief moment, I was so caught up in her words that I had forgotten. "You lied to your father and I, and you're lying now." Her voice began to shake, a fierce disappointment lay within her. "How dare you? We are paying for your tuition, and this is what we get?"

I felt anger rising within me, hope smashed to pieces with the throw of her dagger. My anger manifested itself into tears, and I felt my body shrivel up like a flower. I clasped my knees, my head buried within then. "I'm sorry..."

"No, you're not." She replied. "You're switching your major as soon as you get back, or you're done!"

I simply nodded, too afraid to speak. She was much worse than my father. She took my words and spun them in her web of disillusion and manipulation. It was awful to play her game. I felt her move in on me, petting the top of my head. I flinched away, not wanting her to touch me.

"I know it's hard..." Her voice suddenly soothing. "I know... but being a nurse will be something you can rely on. You're not gonna be a writer, honey... That's like saying you're going to be a movie star." I didn't want her sympathy. She was only doing this because she felt like shit for tearing me apart. This was only to make herself feel better---not me. Eventually, she left the room, leaving me heartbroken all over again.

When the coast was clear, Charlie made his way out of the closet. He sat next to me, running his hand up and down my back. He didn't speak, but it was enough. I leaned my head on his shoulder. His presence alone was enough.

I sniffed, deciding to break the silence. "I'm sorry you had to see that." My awkward laugh sounded pathetic. I felt Charlie's arm stop moving, slinking across my shoulder.

"Don't apologize." His voice came out weak. It was as if he felt the pain I felt. Maybe his parents were just like mine... if not worse. "Stay an English major. Don't switch."

"What?" I lifted my head from his shoulder, looking at him as if he were insane. "You heard what she said! I'm out if I don't switch."

"You're not out. You're an adult, y/n. The only thing she can do is not pay for your college. I'll help you. Or, you could get a job." He responded, and I had to laugh. I was living the ideal lifestyle and never even realized it. "Just keep lying to her. The worst would be she draws out on you, but you'd be living for yourself, not for her."